The morbid habits of a kick ass writer
by Haru-kun
Summary: Smoking, drinking and drugs are bad habits that make great writers. Of course, what Hiei is about to learn from Shuuichi Minamino is that there IS a kind of writer that won't just settle for that. Let's say Kurama was looking for a more intense addiction
1. Morbid habit: the wanting more

Okay so this is my first fic in English. I speak spanish so I hope your kindness is as big as to forgive any mistakes. Please leave reviews

And I hope I spelled that right!

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**Chapter 1** Morbid habit: the wanting more

An annoying english band was on his least favorite station, but the only the small radio on top of the refrigerator could reach. The extreme heat had quickly broken in by the only window the filthy apartment had. There were three rooms in the apartment, each one dirtier than the room next to it. In the kitchen, a Siberian husky slept calmly while a few cockroaches had lunch in the grossly and never-washed dishes that had been in the sink for weeks now. The bathroom looked like filth was created there, but smelled worse. And finally, inside the bedroom, ignoring the wild knocks on the door of a furious landlord was Hiei lying on what seemed to be a bed under endless leftovers which weren't eatable anymore.

The huge one-wall stereo was loud, and every one of the hundred items made of glass in the house was shaking. In the living room, the little sounds of quickly typing weren't audible. The best laptop so far in the market was on the fancy coffee table, next to a full ashtray. World famous writer, Shuuichi Minamino was starting his new novel, which would put an end to the other six volumes every Japanese girl had in her shelf. One more cigarette and the second chapter would be over. 'Emancipation' was a story of romance and courtship, and with this last volume, the erotic element would be added. As the song finished on the loud stereo, new sounds were discovered, starring the furious knocks that came from three floors downstairs. He remembered how he had sent his servants home so he could write without constantly interruptions and then he stood up and begun his way to the door.

The beautiful stand clock at the end of the stairs showed it was time for lunch, and Kurama wished he hadn't send the servants home. A little annoyed, he opened the wooden doors and was surprised to see a big dog drooling over the designer's welcome rug. Then an angry Hiei made his apparition and started yelling as always.

'What the hell were you doing?! I've been knocking for half an hour!'

Kurama smiled and slowly took his glasses out of his face.

'There's a doorbell, you know?'

'Shut up and let me in, I'm freezing' he said as he made his way in the house, with the big dog following behind.

'Who's that?'

'He's Orphen. The stupid Koenma sent him to keep an eye on me.'

'I see. And why are here. Didn't you say that you hated places like this?'

'My stupid landlord threw me out'

'That's no surprise. So you've finally accept to move in with me?' said Kurama with a victorious smile on his very attractive face.

'I'm just crashing here until I found I new place.'

'It could be months before that happens'

'Asshole' said Hiei in a very audible whisper.

The heat that had once melted over the city was now a freezing breeze people tried to keep out of their houses. The weather was changing and so was the plot Kurama had planned for Emancipation's last volume. The erotic element he wanted to include in this book didn't seem to fit in with the usual sweetness of the characters and the story.

"It's because you want to write about sex. You know too well the characters of your books, and making them having sex is hard to assimilate" had said Keiko, who, by the way, was his manager.

This idea fooled around in Kurama's mind and made him feel miserable. It chased him for days before he could talk about it with the one person that would give him a serious opinion.

'Well, if you can't make them fuck, then they must be really shallow characters.'

'What do you mean?'

'If you had done a good job building them, and after six books, you wouldn't have any problems in making them fuck, because they would feel like real people. Real people are born to have sex, is instinct. If all in your character's profile is a golden heart and the ability to love then you're not a good writer.'

Kurama thought about it for a moment. It was a long moment, and then Hiei broke it.

'What are you thinking about?'

'I'm just wondering if you say these thing because you think they're true or because you just want to be mean' he said with a calm smile.  
Hiei looked to the window to see the blue grayish sky. When he returned his look to Kurama, he found him smiling just in the way he hated. That seductive and calm smile just a little bit arrogant but so sweet, the one that could get Hiei on the floor in less than a second.

'NOT GONNA HAPPEN' said Hiei not knowing if he was warning Kurama or himself.

'What?' said Kurama playful

'Oh you know what I'm talking about, jerk!'

Kurama had his "okay, but I haven't lost yet" smile now. He then turned and looked to Orphen, who was amused by the huge fish tank on the wall.

'Hey, you want to have dinner with me tonight?' said Kurama 'I'll take you to a good restaurant'

'I'm not your girlfriend, Kurama' he said as he stood up and crossed the room.

When Hiei passed by, Kurama grabbed him by the shirt and then hugged him from behind.

'Can I come in tonight, then?' he said. Waiting for an answer from the silent Hiei, he remembered the first time he came in.  
It was a few years ago, when Kurama started college. When things weren't going well and he felt like crap just because everything in the world seemed to say so. Back then, he hadn't even thought of being a writer, and he lived in a small apartment where he couldn't escape from himself. He grabbed his backpack and left, ending at the only place he could ever go feeling everything was going to be alright. He had the key so he just came in and left his backpack on the filthy table in the kitchen. It was very hot in there, so as always Hiei was shirtless and sweaty. At first sight it was understood that Kurama felt like crap. He handed him a cool soda and sat next to him. The usual awkward attraction was there, while they both sat watching the particles of dust partying. This time Kurama gave up for all the times he had had to handle himself while being near Hiei. He knew Hiei wanted him as bad as he wanted Hiei, so he left his soda anywhere near and faced the guy sitting next to him.

He seemed to understand what he was going to do, since at first he refused a little but finally gave up too. The sofa was really dirty and warm, as well as really uncomfortable and small, but all of that was just a turn-on for both of them.

Kurama threw himself to Hiei, kissing him wildly on the lips, on the neck, on the chest. Hiei's hands moved quickly, unbuttoning Kurama's shirt, touching his chest and pulling his hair. A violent movement cut Kurama's lip. Hiei started licking the wound as Kurama enjoyed his shirtless lover. Kurama started sweating too, and then his pants seemed to come off by themselves. Both of them fell onto the grimy floor, groaning with intensity. Kurama was blushed after a few minutes of grabbing and rubbing each other. Hiei's pants came off with a few pulls. His body started to breathe faster, louder, deeper. Kurama's hands moved really fast, really smooth. Hiei couldn't help the sounds coming out of his mouths. Kurama's body was on top of his, repeating movements, doing new ones, giving Hiei so much pleasure he could have died and then come back to life in the same second.

They were like that another half an hour, and then they spent the night doing it over and over again until they were so tired the fell asleep all of a sudden.

Kurama remembered that night, and then the hundreds that came after it, and then Hiei pushed him apart and said something like 'Do whatever you want'. He walked to the kitchen, and then a pop-noise of a soda can was heard. Kurama smiled. Hiei only drank soda when he was horny.

Orphen was sleeping in a brand new dog bed Kurama had bought. This time, the kitchen where he crashed wasn't filled with cockroaches and that made him happy.

On the guestroom, two floors upstairs, Kurama closed the door from inside. Hiei looked at him a little blushed, a little mad, but really eager. He walked to Hiei slowly and then sat in the bed, where he smiled and ask about if he was having a good time staying at his house.

'If you want to have sex then hurry up or I'll throw you out' said Hiei annoyed

'Does every time we see each other have to be for sex?'

'Oh please, you couldn't stay in a room with me without undressing me with your look'

'That's true' said Kurama crossing his legs 'but tonight I was hoping to talk you into moving with me'

'I've told you, Kurama, don't bug me anymore with that!'

'But it just seems to be the right thing to do after all...'

'After what? Dammit! You're such a pain in the ass!'

'Hiei' said Kurama whispering 'if you think about it, then it's very reasonable'

'I don't want to be here when all your fucking whores knock on the door asking for you! Who are you gonna tell I am, huh? YOUR COUSIN?!'

'I thought we were over that now!'

'Don't talk like we're a fucking couple, ok? We're not, alright!? Stop it Kurama! Get the hell out!'

Kurama stared at the floor, thinking in a phrase that could save that moment, but sadly, finding out there wasn't. He stood up, looked at Hiei, who didn't want to look at him back, and then went all the way to the living room, where he was planning on smoking and drinking until morning, like every kick ass writer had done if they felt like shit and couldn't fuck it out.


	2. Morbid habit: the drinking

**Chapter 2** Morbid habit: the drinking

Kurama was at an interview for a famous newspaper, and he had said he would come home after four o' clock in the afternoon. The house was really huge, but too small for both of them when they were fighting. Hiei came out of a long shower, and standing on front of a steamed up mirror he realized it was time for shaving.

With a towel around his waist, he walked trough a long hall, looking at the beautiful wooden floor and the expensive misunderstood paintings hanging on the walls.

He went downstairs and noticed the shelves in which stood about ten books with the Shuuichi Minamino firm and twenty classic novels he did not recognize.

There were awards too, and pictures of Kurama and a celebrity smiling in a fake way.

A little ringing sound came from the fancy kitchen. There, Orphen stood awake looking at a ringing telephone. Hiei waited for the machine to answer, and listened to Kurama's voice saying the usual stuff.

'Hey. It's me' said Kurama' voice after the tone 'I know you're there and I know you don't want to talk to me, but I needed to tell you I'm coming earlier. Your breakfast is served on the dining room's table. I already fed Orphen so don't worry about it'

'Like I would' said Hiei

'I know you wouldn't have, that's why I did it. That's all'

And then the machine made a stupid sound and Hiei went to the dining room to found a gourmet breakfast he wouldn't finish.

It wasn't long before the telephone rang again. This time Hiei was going to answer to tell Kurama to stop calling, but the answer machine won that race, and a female voice filled the kitchen.

'Hi there, Shuuichi. It's just me, Tsubame. I was just wondering when were you gonna call me. Just that. Well…call me' said the machine at quarter to eleven.

'Hey, it's Kari. I think we had a wonderful time the other night, and I was just thinking about you…well, call me' said the machine at twenty minutes to one.

'Shuuichi, it's Nodoka. You said you were going to call but it's been almost a week and I haven't heard of you. And…I thought we were on the same page, so…call me if you agree with me' said the machine at two thirty.

Kurama took out his key and entered the huge house he had owned for five years now.

Inside, Orphen waited for him drooling as always and moving happily his furry tail.

'Hey there' said Kurama as he petted the big white dog.

In a brown large couch Hiei was lying, staring at the roof. Kurama stood still for two minutes and then said 'Hi'.

Hiei looked at him from head to toes, and then looked at the roof again.

'Thank you for the breakfast' he said

'It's weird for you to thank anyone about anything' said the smile on Kurama's face

'You have a bunch of messages on your machine. They are from…' and here he grabbed a piece of paper that waited on the coffee table next to the couch 'Tsubame, Kari and Nodoka'

Kurama stayed in silence for forty seconds before answering, a little ashamed of himself, but hiding it deeply.

'Oh. Well, thank you'

That afternoon was awkward and silent. Hiei spent the whole time exercising at the gym next to the studio on the third floor, and Kurama wrote the fourth chapter of his new book. Hiei had dinner in his room, while Kurama stared at a gourmet meal he wasn't going to eat. Instead he decided to fill the emptiness of his stomach with three glasses of the strongest wine he could find in the cellar.

Three glasses were followed by many more, leaving behind a blushed drunk redhead knocked out on the couch.

'Damn! You're going to kill yourself if you go on like that!' said a pleasant voice out of nowhere. Kurama opened his eyes to see what looked like a mad Hiei talking to him and spinning around.

'Wha---?' he muttered confused.

'Come on, get up asshole!' all of a sudden he felt two warm hands on his back and before he realized it Hiei was carrying him to his own room.

'Did I fall asleep on the couch?' whispered Kurama barely knowing what was going on

'You stupid wino, like you've never done that before!' they went trough the long hall and all the way upstairs to Kurama's bedroom, where Hiei left him on the bed.

'I'm not doing this again, so don't you' he said as he turned back.

'Wait' Kurama talked in a soft morning voice 'what time is it'

'Time for you to shut the hell up and go to sleep in a decent place! It's four o'clock in the morning!'

'Sorry about that' Kurama smiled

'Sorry my ass! You'll probably do that again!'

'You're right' he laughed. Hiei opened the door 'You don't have to leave so soon, you know?'

Hiei stood there, doubting. If Kurama wanted him to stay, he probably would. Not because he wanted, just because he couldn't say no to that; no matter how many times he tried.

'You could help me with this hang over. Make me feel better, Hiei' said Kurama 'Make me feel better about myself and inside my burning head' then he smiled.

Hiei was soon on top of him, looking into his dreamy green eyes. He got closer and closer and then opened his mouth and met Kurama's tongue as his hands undressed him. They both closed their eyes while chest to chest breathed faster with every passing minute. So close they felt each other's heart beating, so close it was painful to separate themselves, so close skin got in the way. A very wet kiss developed while Hiei's hand played with Kurama's hair, touching, grabbing, pulling. Their mouths opened and closed slowly as they breathed; licking crashing, biting. Kurama's hands fooled around with Hiei's neck, rubbing it, warming it, feeling it. Soon he was working the chest, then the waist, then the hips, and then Hiei moaned deeply as he felt Kurama all over a very sensitive part of his body. Kurama locked himself in a passionate kiss with Hiei's neck, while his hands move backward and forward slowly, making Hiei's breathing change its rhythm every couple of seconds. The red long silky hair began to move down across Jaganshi's chest, tickling a little but increasing the eagerness that closed slowly his eyes and blushed his cheeks. At the time Kurama's face was below his beloved's hips, his hands were firmly grabbing Hiei's thighs, opening them wide and caressing them slowly. His hands touched the knees and then returned to a more sensitive area, where now he was opening his mouth and---

'Ahhh!' screamed Hiei with his fists locked to the sheets. He moaned as he felt Kurama working. The rest of the world could believe writing was the best Shuuichi Minamino could do. But about the best thing Kurama could do, Hiei was the only one that knew. All the girls he slept with didn't matter, it wasn't the same with them; and this Hiei knew too, but it annoyed him as well.

That demonic speed Kurama's fingers typed at was nothing compared to the skill his tongue had, or his incredibly great talent to get laid. But the strongest skill Kurama had, and this Hiei knew too, was, with no efforts, being able to make anyone he wanted fall for him. And with this last thing, Hiei had to be extremely careful; since Kurama had him on his back every time he wanted to, he could have him in any other way if he really wanted to.

After a while, Kurama took his pants off and interrupted Hiei's moaning with a very intense wet kiss and then whispered little naughty words to him.

'I didn't know you liked that' he said smiling in a kinky way 'I must do it more often, then'

Hiei was clinged to the writer's shoulder, breathing with an open mouth and terribly blushed and sweaty. His eyes were closed and his face expressed a mix of pain and pleasure.

'So can I put it in now?' said Kurama very anxious. The panting Hiei did not answer (and not that Kurama ever expected him to) but got closer to his predator, wanting him to take him and to make him his as he always did in such a perfect way. Then his legs changed position, and so Kurama's.

Focused and eager, one push made Hiei scream.

On top of him, Kurama's attractive face and closed eyes enjoyed Hiei's body again and again. His red long hair was being pulled by the moaning Jaganshi, whose face showed the usual pleasure and pain. At this moment, Hiei belonged to him, Hiei was his and only his, and Kurama himself was Hiei's. At this moment, when he was inside of Hiei, they understood everything and nothing of each other, and they loved each other deeply. They were lovers, they were a couple, they were one being, and only one. But the moment was over, as at the same time, they both ended, panting, moaning, having the same great finale they always had. And all the blushed areas in both bodies, were released of tension as a great orgasm joined them together and finally pulled them apart, making them two separate beings again.

After they both had recovered the breath, the awkwardness blossomed again, pulling Hiei to his room and the hang over back.

The last thing Kurama thought before he blacked out was the sweet memory of a blushed Hiei pulling his hair, and the wonderful feeling that this picture provoked.

Of course, reality knocked on his door and it was painful to let it come in.

'Damn! It's two o' clock Kurama! Who the hell you think it's going to feed me?' said a little voice yelling from the kitchen. Hiei was pissed by the fact that he had screamed and moaned and groaned and pulled Kurama's hair. Despite they had sex a lot of times, he had never showed himself as he did the last time. He had moaned and pulled Kurama's hair before, but always with dignity. The Hiei that Kurama had fucked last night was a response to all the new movements and stimulation. He was unaware Kurama had improved his foreplay routine.

A shirtless Kurama entered the Kitchen. In his face it was visible he was proud of himself and extremely happy. A little blushed; Hiei looked into the refrigerator, waiting for Kurama to say something that broke the silence. Then suddenly, he felt his ear getting warm and then he felt Kurama kissing him dearly in his cheek.

'Good morning' he said with the usual 'I-got-laid' silly smile

'Hey!' said Hiei pushing him away. Kurama made him scream, and now he kissed him good morning. He realized he was now making lunch for him, and he was staying at his house.

It took no longer than two seconds to realize the hot redhead cooking next to him had made him his bitch.


	3. Morbid habit: the ladies

My friend Yuri-sempai is a special guest in this chapter. She is quite fond of Kurama but she would never use a skirt, so don't keep the wrong impression. At first this included a not-so-polite note about you leaving no reviews but i've erased it since i've decided to wait a little more. Anyway, hope you like it. HEY, in this chapter Kurama and Hiei talk about Coldplay. I picked Colplay because I love them. In chapter one there is also a mention about 'an annoying english band'! when i wrote this I wasn't sure if i was talking about Coldplay or Franz Ferdinand (IT'S JUST THAT I LOVE BOTH OF THEM SOOOO MUCH). Remember, the term 'annoying' is just there because i wanted to write that part from Hiei's point of view (and we all know he is often angry with the world). I don't own YuYu Hakusho...hey, some reviews would be nice, huh? Once again, i beg for mercy, my english isn't very good...TTTT If you have any requests of what you want to happen in the fic, please say so, i'll consider them seriously PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE REVIEWS OR I'LL KILL MYSELF

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'I hate this song' said Hiei, annoyed by the world as usual.

'But it's Coldplay. You liked Coldplay' Kurama said showing him a cd with a surreal cover

'Remember? You said it was cool'

'I never said such thing. I might have said it was okay'

'whatever' said a focused redhead typing quickly and looking directly to his laptop screen 'Hey, Keiko said I could have a cover illustrator for this volume'

'so?'

'So you wanna do it?' he said smiling

'No' Hiei answered somehow more annoyed

'I'm sorry Hiei, but I'm not planning in hiring anyone else. Besides, you could use the money' he pointed

'Fuck you' answered Hiei, not even looking at Kurama, who by the time was taking his glasses off. When hearing this, Kurama chuckled.

'Do you really mean that?' he said standing up and walking to the 'looking-at-the-wall' Hiei. His warm hands locked around Hiei's hips, as his face cuddled with the back of his neck, tickling him with his cold nose.

'Cut it out!' Hiei said, pushing Kurama apart.

'You get so nervous when I'm romantic'

'Shut up jackass, I'm not a chick; I don't need your Romeo moments'

'But talking seriously, I do want you to illustrate the cover. I've always love your drawings'

'I'm not drawing anything for you. You know I just draw for myself'

'You should know better than that. You're a virtuoso at plastic arts. You should make some money out of it…' and then Kurama remembered and smiled widely 'I don't want to find you working at a gas station…again'

Hiei pushed him harder as he yelled 'asshole!' and blushed terribly staring at the fancy floor. The redhead put his glasses on again and returned to his laptop.

Kurama was in his writer outfit, and according to Hiei's thoughts, that made him look really hot. His mouth held a skinny cigarette and beside the stylish glasses, two beautiful green eyes danced on the laptop screen. His red, long and wavy hair was tied in a ponytail and he was wearing a plain t-shirt and baggy old pants. He was barefoot as well, and there were no signs of shaving in the last two days. For the rest of the world, he might have looked like an unemployed young man, not like the glamorous handsome ladyman Shuuichi Minamino was. For Hiei, though, there was only one Kurama. The Kurama that made him scream of pleasure, the Kurama that made him yell of anger, the Kurama that he desired and the Kurama that he hated, as well as the Kurama that he feared.

'Just in case, your deadline is next Saturday'

'I don't have any deadline! I don't work for you!' shouted Hiei 'Besides, I haven't read any of your books. How could I--?'

'Hiei, it's a romance novel. Draw a freakin' heart if you want!'

Pissed, the little man left the room, where now the only sound was the quickly typing of the great writer Shuuichi Minamino. It was a windy day. The air was filled with tiny pieces of leaves. The huge garden of the Minamino house was covered with golden colors; leaves, bushes and trees were modeling the palette of fall. The wind blew gently as a new character made her entrance through the little paved road that crossed the garden and made its way to the door. It was the third time the doorbell sounded, when Hiei talked loudly.

'Aren't you going to get it?'

Kurama didn't stop typing but his calm voice answered almost automatically.

'With this looks, I won't open any door'

Hiei stepped harder as he got closer to the door. It made a hollow strong sound that annoyed Kurama secretly, but finally stopped with the sound of a door opening.

Standing above a silly 'welcome' expensive rug, was a very pretty girl wearing knee high brown boots and the smallest skirt in the whole world.

'Hi. Is Shuuichi home?' she said curling her brown silky hair with her finger.

Hiei remembered Kurama saying he wasn't home when he was writing. But Hiei was Hiei and as usual, he couldn't care less.

'He is, but he is not seeing anyone. Sorry' when he was about to close the door, the girl made her way in.

'Tell him Yuri is here. I'm sure he'll want to see me' she the pretty girl taking a compact makeup out of her purse.

'I'm positive he doesn't want any visitors now, thank you'

She looked at him from head to toes, making a funny face and retouching her makeup at the same time.

'Who are you, anyway?' she asked fearless like a venomous snake preparing to attack

'A friend' he said sharp and bold

'I see' said the so called Yuri 'well, the fact is, that I'm here to see Shuuichi and I'm not leaving without speaking to him'

Then, like a graceful dove enjoying a sunny day, Shuuichi Minamino made his entrance to the room smiling; perfectly clean, shaved and classy. While Hiei asked to himself where had the plain T-shirt and the baggy pants gone, Kurama and Yuri made the boring 'Hi, how are you?' routine. Kurama kindly explained he was working but he would sure call her any night of the current week. She giggled and said that would be perfect, and that he looked so handsome and that...

"Ok, that's making me sick..." thought Hiei annoyed again

Kurama walked the girl to the door and they spoke a few seconds. Hiei was turning when he listened carefully to her voice.

'Aren't you going to kiss me goodbye?'

Kurama turned a little and stared at Hiei, who was watching from a close corner, waiting for him to answer.

He smiled widely and approached to her, both of them closed their eyes and then he kissed her shortly.

By the time the door was closed, Hiei had disappeared from the room, making Kurama wonder. Once again, he felt like crap. But he planned to deal with that like any other great writer. Soon his sight was focused on the fancy bottle of vodka staring at him from one shelf, and his hand were holding a pack of really strong cigarettes Hiei had told him not to smoke.

It was late in the afternoon, when an unwelcome visitor entered the gym. He could hardly walk in a straight line, and he could hardly stand without holding on to something. Ignoring these factors, Kurama made his way to his target, which hadn't realized the other presence.

'Ahh…Hiei…you look so cute with that face, baby'

Surprised, Hiei dropped his towel, turning back to watch a very happy weird Kurama.

'What the hell, Kurama…?'

'I'm soooo sorry for this morning, Hiei. I wish these things didn't happen but I can't control it. I only slept with her once, I swear'

'That's…not really of my interest…' said Hiei trying to figure it out

'Anyway…she's nothing to me. Neither of them meant something to me…only…' and here he looked around like he barely knew the room. Then he swallowed a huge amount of saliva and stared to Hiei. 'Only you. I love you so much. Come here, give me a hug' he said.

Then, Hiei understood.

Without saying anything, he stood up and walked to Kurama. He helped him to walk to his room and then he made sure he made it to bed.

'It's like…what? Seven forty?' said Kurama complaining

'You're drunk' said Hiei sharply 'You're drunk and you don't know what you're saying. So don't say anything and just sleep.'

Hiei could yell to Kurama. He could say he hated him whether he meant it or not. He could hit Kurama and punch him in the face, and he could get really angry with him too. But this Kurama, this particularly Kurama…Hiei did not dare to fight.

Shuuichi Minamino and Kurama were two separate identities. Shuuichi Minamino was the ideal person. He was handsome, talented, classy, optimistic, had good values and good manners. He was the kind of person who everybody admired and most of everybody loved. Kurama, in the other hand, was more normal than Minamino. He made mistakes, he had addictions, he sinned and he did not even try to hide it. He was mysterious and indifferent about it; he acted like he didn't care. But the truth was (and this Hiei knew but Kurama did not) that he did care. He did care, he cared a lot. When Kurama was drunk he could openly talk about how an idiot he was, or how he wasn't truly happy. He cried of pain and anger, without trying to look cool or perfect. When Kurama was drunk, his eyes were not only bloody red and irritated, but filled with sorrow and sadness. For some reason, that made Hiei feel sad too. He could not face this Kurama as he dealed with the normal one.

'You're mad, I knew it.' Kurama said lying on his huge soft dreamy bed 'You're so mad I bet you don't want to talk to me right now…'

'You're right, I don't' said Hiei 'Go to sleep'

'Stay with me'

'Hnmm?' Hiei turned back.

'Stay with me until I fall asleep'

Awkward silence filled the room. A nervous Hiei waited for something to come to his mind. Something he could say to save himself.

None.

'Please' begged the dizzy redhead.

Hiei stood still, thinking. Feeling funny, feeling weird. Finally he gave up, hoping Kurama didn't remember it when he woke up the next morning.

He sat next to Kurama, who whispered 'Thank you' and smiled. Even in those moments, when he looked sick and awfully tired, and his eyes where so red and dizzy…he looked really charming.

The next morning, the sun and the changing weather broke in by the big window. It was light mixed with singing annoying birds and other sounds what woke Kurama. He did not remember how he had got in bed or why he felt like shit. In fact, the last thing he remembered was a bottle of vodka and strong cigarettes.

'That must have been it' he said. He felt something tickling him on the other side of bed, so he turned around and---

He blushed terribly and sat. He looked to him carefully wondering what in earth had happened to bring him here.

'Well…both of us are fully dressed so it couldn't be…'

Hiei suddenly breathed deeply and made a cute sound. Kurama was moved to kiss him on the forehead. Then he kissed him on the tip of the nose, then, on both cheeks. Finally he couldn't resist. He kissed him on the lips, waking him up. Kurama was sure he was getting it. Hiei was going to be so embarrassed, so angry and so surprised he was going to yell his ass off. He looked to Kurama's green eyes carefully. He was blushed and strangely calm. Then the weirdest thing happened. Pulling him closer by grabbing his hair, Hiei kissed Kurama. It wasn't a normal kissed.

It was empty of desire but filled with passion. Lip onto lip, pressing gently and softly. It was the first time it happened. Whatever that had happened yesterday had to be good. Although they had sex very often, when they slept together it was because they fell asleep. This looked like a voluntary sleep over. They separated calmly, looking at each other's eyes.

'Well…that was…different' Kurama said

He felt like a little little person inside him was jumping from joy. Hiei looked shocked.

He stood up, rubbing the back of his head. He was so blushed, so embarrassed he didn't care his body language exposed him. He tried to talk but couldn't.

'I'm…' Kurama waited for him to continue. He hoped to hear something like "I'm so happy" or "I'm so excited". They looked at each other again. Maybe in that moment, Kurama was so anxious that Hiei could see through the giant wall he had carefully built. Maybe by seeing the truth, that Kurama was madly in love with him, Hiei panicked. Or maybe he was just scared by his own feelings; who knows.

'I'm….so…sorry' he said before leaving the room.

A great writer once said that the unspoken sometimes was more clearly heard than a thousand words. Kurama learned that morning, that is true the unspoken is sometimes more clear.

Sure, it doesn't take a thousand words to destroy the unspoken.


	4. Morbid habit: the wanting more than more

Hey guys...I just wanted to thanks those three gently souls whose reviews i've read...they made me feel so cool...THANK YOU SO MUCH!! and Yuri-sempai, i haven't received yours yet...must be a system mistake or something huh? (mafia face) well that's all...this isn't the great hit i wanted it to be so i have to beg for my reviews...i'll table dance too, just ask...(sudden weeping)

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As the great Ritsuka Aoyagi from Yun Kouga's Loveless said once, 'Is all that we are, he who is commanded and he who commands?' You see, this may seem like one of those questions that awakes something from the deepest part of our soul and brings us a weak type of sorrow, the type we forget shortly after. But really, if you think it over and over again, the answer forms part of our daily life. Yes, yes we are those who are commanded and those who command. In the same simple way we are black, white or republican and in the same way we are coke people and Pepsi people. It's just one of those things you don't notice (like politics before you're ten, or weight gain after you're married) until they change or disappear. It was clear who was commanded and who commanded in the Minamino mansion. But as the following characters began to notice, things were about to change.

"She walked slowly holding her breath. Her parents were asleep and her boyfriend was at her window. Both things made her feel sickly excited but scared her as well. The clock sang with a deadly and broken voice while she closed her room's door behind her. Tohma was there, smiling in a calm way and waiting for her to say it was alright for him to close the window.

-That's okay, they're asleep- she said grinning gently, glowing with that natural beauty that made Tohma crazy. So sure she was the prettiest girl in the world.

-You're so beautiful.

-Oh, don't say that, Tohma-kun…you're making me blush…

-But it's true! I swear, you're so beautiful…no wonder you get a love confession each month…gosh, I'm so happy I found you…

She blushed as promised and they engaged in a simple but intense kiss. Tohma's green eyes were so shiny and attracting, she could have passed all night looking into them, just as if they were two mighty stars standing far far away in the dark sky above.

-Tohma…I'm not ready to commit. Maybe we should stay…you know, casual.

-What? But…wait what?

-Yeah, I mean…well, I know you really really love me, but I'm just too selfish and though I do love you, I think I'll just keep saying I don't. In that way, I not only can seem unreachable and so much prettier, but I also can make you miserable and turn you down as many times as I want.

-Are…are you serious?

-Oh, yeah…oh, and that thing I do…uhmm…the thing when I accuse you of sleeping with several girls, of course knowing they are just a way for you to fill the emptiness in your heart that my rejection causes, I'll just keep doing that. But don't worry, honey, you know deep down I truly love you but I'm too proud to admit it. Let's just keep on being booty calls and when something romantic happens, we'll ignore it okay? No hard feelings right?

I HATE YOU SO MUCH HIEI!!! ASSHOLE!! YOU ASSHOLE!!"

Kurama stopped writing and sighted. This time Hiei was really on his nerves. Since that first-beautiful-then-terrible morning it had been three whole days. Hiei always tried to sneak out whenever he felt Kurama close. At first Shuuichi Minamino used his pain, anguish and sorrow to write genius chapters that would guarantee a big fat success once the book hit the bookstores but now he was worn down and bored of living like that. He sighted again and then spent a minute pressing the backspace key.

That afternoon the weather made a more rational choice and stayed calm and cloudy. Kurama left at four. He said he had a meeting with Keiko but Hiei hadn't believed him. He thought Kurama was with some bitch, buying her lunch.

"Maybe the pretty girl from the other day" he thought "she seemed nice and psycho…just his type"

He didn't know if Kurama was mad at him. They hadn't talked in three days. Of course this was because Hiei was obviously avoiding Kurama, but just one of them had realized that. Orphen wasn't anywhere and Hiei was getting mad.

"Maybe Kurama didn't feed him so he just dropped dead somewhere…"

In such an enormous house, he knew he wouldn't find a dead dog.

"I'll have to wait for him to start rotting"

Walking slowly he noticed something that called his attention but awoke his curiosity. He stared at it wondering inside. Knowing it was forbidden, it was not allowed…that only made it more attracting. He couldn't help himself. It was meant for him to enter that room. Sure, he had gone there many times before…but not without Kurama…

The door closed behind him, leaving him free to explore the mysteries of Shuuichi Minamino's dark mind. Kurama's bedroom, with its huge bed and strange big paintings hanged on the walls, was waiting for him to examine it closely. The first thing he opened was a little night table in which hid Kurama's phone book.

'What the…?' it was full with hundreds and hundreds of girl names 'Man! I bet every girl in Japan is in here…' He found the 'H' pages but he wasn't in there.

'Must be on 'J' then…' he said to himself. Kurama had to have his phone, right...he had to. But there was nothing on there either. Hiei wasn't in there. A little disappointed but hiding it with rage, he returned the phone book and started looking again. There was an Ipod. He recognized the name of 'Coldplay' in the playlist since he had seen it on the cover, but he couldn't really read English so he didn't know any other bands.

'M….muse…? ...is that what it says?'

There were a lot of pills and cigarettes and there was a picture of his mom. He found some lighters and written papers too. The closet was filled with fancy clothes and…

'Oh…crap…' he said taking a red short dress out of there. 'Okay…I seriously hope this is for your chicks'

There was also a dresser. He immediately opened the smaller drawers, in which everybody knew, there was underwear.

'Oh…I've seen these…' he said pulling a pair of red boxers. They had some Sanrio character on. They were surely lame, but easy to get off. Hiei smiled.

Finally, after searching behind his bed, he found some notebooks filled with stupid poems that had words he did not understand.

On one shelf, cleverly hidden between two big novels, he found a photo album. There were pictures of baby Kurama, Kurama in elementary school, Kurama in high school, Kurama in magazines and TV shows, and every single birthday from the first to the last category. Hiei was about to get out of there when he stepped on something. He stepped back but there was nothing on the floor. He tried to go but there was the same sound coming from the floor. He approached closer.

'It's….loose…' he said lifting a piece of wooden floor. Under it, there was a little box. It was wide enough for a fork and tall enough for an apple. It was covered with white velvet and it looked pretty expensive. He quickly opened it expecting to find fancy jewelry.

'Come on, what would jewelry be doing under the floor? There's a save on the floor above!' he said. He opened it slowly, but the thing he found in there wasn't anything like jewelry. Inside, there was a cardboard little box. It seemed smashed and partly broken. He opened carefully and there he found a little red piece of paper.

It was soft and wrinkled. It was a rose petal.

'You kinky little flower freak…'

The door sounded. Kurama was home. Hiei rushed trying to get the damn petal into the cardboard box but he had to be careful since both of them were really old and could've broken. He hid them under the floor again, fitting the missing floor table.

'Oh! Dammit!' he forgot the white box. It was a huge house so Kurama wasn't coming to his room right away…unless he wanted to…unless he couldn't talk to Hiei so he had to stay in his room or he would be bored…

'Dammit!' He rushed more, taking the cardboard box out, putting it on the velvet one, hiding them both under the floor.

'Crap!' the drawers were opened. He tried to push them but the once folded clothes were mixed up and he had to get everything to be perfect before…

Steps on the stairs sounded. Kurama was really close. Hiei did everything like it was done before his inspection and walk out of the room, sweating terribly. He just had to get out of that hallway but then Kurama's handsome face appeared three inches before him. Hiei didn't know what to do, say or think, or think Kurama was thinking. He just looked surprised and a little blushed and so did Hiei. Rushing before any question of what possible could Hiei be doing in the Hallway that led to Kurama's room, he kissed him fiercely. At first Kurama was shocked but after two seconds he grabbed Hiei by his waist. Kurama's coat, shoes and shirt were left behind through the hallway, all the way to his room. They both fell on the bed, messing it and throwing all the pillows to the floor. Hiei felt Kurama's hands under his shirt, searching for those spots that made him moan. Barely separating from each other or even trying to not kiss, Kurama articulated some words.

'Thought you were mad at me'

'I am' Hiei answered taking his shirt off 'But doesn't that make me a lot hotter?'

Kurama grinned. His lips playing his Hiei's, like over-excited lion cubs. Soon teeth got involved. Kurama started bleeding, letting Hiei clean it up.

While Kurama enjoyed his lover's playful attitude, Hiei was just glad Kurama hadn't caught him. He didn't plan on getting off like this, but in his own words 'what the hell'.

He sucked Kurama's collarbone until it became red, then he went down the chest to work that up, but then a mischievous idea came to his mind. Looking at it closely, he decided to go for it, without Kurama's permission. He threw himself onto Kurama, kissing and biting him. His arms extended Kurama's across the bed, while he opened his eyes. It could seem unnatural but kissing with open eyes was so much fun if it was with Kurama.

And the thing Hiei would do wasn't just because he wanted to see Kurama reacting to such an unusual situation. He wanted to feel like Kurama felt, he wanted to make Kurama feel what he felt. It wasn't easy to explain, but it was easy to want. What Hiei wanted, was not so much to feel in power, as much as seeing Kurama with none.

He smiled and stopped for a moment. Kurama was with his eyes opened already, so his expression of confusion showed. He felt Hiei's amazing strength holding his wrists. It was truth he was smaller than Kurama, but it was also truth he was much much stronger.

'Do you mind if I…' Hiei started. Kurama did not answer. He didn't know what Hiei was about to do, but it scared him in a calm but disturbing way.

Hiei's hand sneaked in Kurama's pants, tickling him but increasing the blood circulation. Soon he felt Hiei's grab, intense and discrete, just like him. He bit his lip, stopping himself from moaning. It was way too soon for Hiei not to tease him for that. Kurama's free hand rubbed his beloved's back, feeling his spine and developed muscles contract as his hand. He let himself go and finally groan, blushing, pushing Hiei to him as if it were painful to be separated. Then he felt Hiei's pants coming off right away and tried to change positions to release him from all that desire. Just one thing. He wouldn't let him. He smiled.

'Come on' he said.

'Uh-uh' said Hiei back

Before he could ask what was happening, his smart and quick mind got it.

'No, wait!' he tried, but Hiei's body wasn't moving an inch, and his working hand was now separating Kurama's long legs.

He was planning on screaming the expected 'DON'T!', but instead just a random moan came out of his mouth. Then Hiei repeated, so did Kurama. It was truly painful and a little embarrassing, without saying humiliating and extremely weird, but that was the kind of thing Hiei knew Kurama liked. He certainly didn't understand what was going on in that pervert shadowy mind of his, but he didn't have to, because love, or as he called it 'just sex' didn't need to.

Kurama just kept moaning, which eventually turned into screaming. He curved his back once in a while and close to the end of it, he put his arms around Hiei's neck, who was realizing what a hard work it was. Little tears came out of Kurama's face, but didn't call the attention as well as his universal-enormous-titanic blush or the expression of pain he had on his face. Hiei remembered his first time with a guy (which by the way, was his first time with Kurama which by the way was his first time at all) and the same pain that the mind converted in pleasure.

Kurama couldn't control anything his body did. The pain, or as we refer to, the pleasure, was so big, so thrilling he didn't remember reality anymore. He felt like he was being drowned, or like he was being stabbed, but not as much as he felt he was being loved. To Kurama, for Hiei to take that kind of initiative was better than a freaking Pulitzer.

He was just convinced that kind of feeling wasn't meant to exist on earth, but Hiei had stolen it from the forbidden, just for them two to join in it.

When both of them were done, they tried to still their breathing and the beating of their hearts, lying next to each other and wondering how much would this last.

'Well, you've never done that before…' Kurama said struggling to talk.

Hiei did not answer. His vengeance was done and so was he. He stood up and picked his pants from the messy floor.

'Wait…leaving so soon?'

'I have no business with you now' Hiei stated coldly.

'Oh, come on! Stay!'

Hiei was now half dressed, leaving no chance for Kurama to go on.

'Please! Hiei! Stop that!'

'What?'

'That thing you do! Just like I thought! Stop it already!'

They stared at each other. Hiei gave up and restarted his way to the door.

'If you leave this room you'll only make me right'

'Right about what?'

'About you being too selfish to admit that you love me as much as I love you!'

Hiei remained silence. The word 'love' bugged him.

'You're always so scared when I try to get close to you…what is it with you that you just won't let me love you?'


	5. Morbid habit: the hiding

Yo'! Hi everybody!! (Three persons say Hi and one of them faints in a long term comma)…well…at least the fic is getting something…I WANT TO THANK namby-pamby…whoever that is…for his or her (yaoi fic, obviously it's a SHE) review…it cheered me up SOOOO HIGH I was able to write this chapter, which I think it's a little bit different from the other ones. I included Youko here, simply because he's hot, although I didn't include many details because writing about Hiei with anybody who isn't Kurama breaks my heart…so…anyway..

Yuri-sempai, I'm sorry, you're still not here but look out on the next chapters and you'll be happy …Thanks for your review also!! Hey!! In this chapter Kurama sings a Killer's song (Mr. Brightside by The Killers!! I LOOOOVE THIS BAND) and that situation is just hilarious for me…Well…I guess the show must go on!!! O-O Please leave reviews!

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Rain made a hollow sound that was audible in every room. It started to bother Hiei around four o' clock, but rain was unstoppable, like the consequences to his actions.

These things Hiei had learned over the past few days.

Since the fight, Kurama hadn't left his room. The door was locked and no sound came out from there. Hiei was starting to worry. It had been five days since the confrontation.

The second day, Hiei embarrassed himself trying to talk Kurama into opening the door and grabbing some food for the rest of his hibernation, but he failed miserably.

"How many days can a person survive without food?" he asked himself frequently. He realized soon, that Kurama wasn't a person. He was a fox demon, a really strong one. Demons like him, with a really strong metabolism and king-sized pride could survive weeks before eating actual food. In Hiei's words 'they kinda eat themselves a little'.

They had storaged energy they could use, so instead of making energy by eating, they used the energy they already had. Hiei had thought that was a little morbid, but then he remembered 'Well, what about Kurama isn't?'

But sooner or later, Kurama had to leave his room to grab a bite. Since it wasn't combat season, he hadn't that much energy storaged in his body. And whenever that time was, Hiei would be waiting for him, to yell at him and to stop secretly miss him.

Although it was his fault Kurama was hiding, Hiei felt no guilt at all. He felt Kurama was a spoiled little prince who couldn't deal with things when they didn't turn out like he wanted. Of course, facing the other side of the main bedroom was someone who disagreed deeply.

Truth to be told, Kurama wasn't eating, but he was drinking. His true friend, vodka, was there with him during those hard times. He was sure his energy level was still high; what he wasn't sure about was if the alcohol in his body was less than the blood in it. He didn't care, thought; that's the great thing about vodka.

There wasn't much to do in his room. It was deadly boring and that just pushed him harder to stay in bed, drunk and depressed. The only think he could think of was that moment. When Hiei looked at him like he was a piece of scum and left the room.

If he wasn't scum, he just felt like it. Why did Hiei rejected him with such determination? Why did he look so sure whenever he said he hated him? Why was he so damn cute? Five days of intense wondering and strong thinking weren't enough to answer those questions. He wasn't sure if a lifetime was, but he searched for an answer from sunrise to sunset anyways.

"Are you longing for me too?" he thought looking at the locked door that kept him from his beloved. "I'm sorry but I don't know yet…if I'm strong enough to open that door"

The doorbell rang, making a stupid sound that awoke Hiei. He had fall asleep on the kitchen table. He did that a lot by then…falling asleep in weird places for overthinking things until he suddenly ran out of real things to hold on.

'Please allow me to get it, honey!' he shouted making sure he was loud enough to reach Kurama's bedroom. "Asshole, what am I, your fuckin' maid?"

A pretty girl waited for an answer outside. She held a suitcase and grinned gently until the door was opened. Hiei, apparently mad, was there with the most unwelcoming expression and a question mark all over his face.

'Well, you don't seem like his type so…'

'It's me Hiei! Keiko!'

He looked at her remembering traces of memories. Even working hard, he didn't quite join a complete image.

'I'm married to Yusuke…'

'Oh, ok, I remembered' he said picturing now a face of an unimportant teenager he didn't get to care or know well 'and you're here because…'

'Oh! Alright!' she said giggling 'I'm Shuuichi's…'

'Yeah, yeah, come in…'

----

'Oh, your landlord threw you out? That's so bad! Luckily for you Shuuichi has this big house huh?'

Hiei usually nodded bored to Keiko's commentaries. She had been trying to chat with him for fifteen minutes but Hiei was extremely successful at frustrating anyone's intends to socialize with him.

'So…why won't he come out of his room?'

"Because he's a spoiled brat that can't tell love from desire" he thought.

'Because he's an ass'

Keiko was shocked by such an answer and grinned nervously murmuring 'I see'

'Well, the problem is that I really need to talk to him. He was supposed to hand me five new chapters three days ago…he never misses his deadline'

'Yeah…I'm not sure if he is coming out of his room any soon…' said Hiei struggling to survive to the dull conversation he was trapped in. Suddenly he realized what he had said, and how had it sounded. He murmured a mutilated 'excuse me' and stood up. Filled with rage, he soon found himself facing Kurama's door, but this time he knew what to do to solve the damn problem.

Three dots on the ceiling amused Kurama's attention. He had forgotten about the doorbell and the harming sarcastic comment Hiei did about it. Suddenly the loudest sound, along with quick awaking movements brought the door to the floor, and a furious short guy stood there with one foot on top of the defeated wooden soldier.

'Do you think it's my obligation to cover your coward ass every time you decide not to live in the real world?' he said.

Kurama was a little disturbed by the sudden action, but somehow moved by the sight of Hiei.

'You're not a fuckin' schoolboy who can hide in his room when he's angry because things didn't work out the way he wanted!' shouted Hiei approaching.

Then he saw all the bottles around the bed, on the night table and on the floor.

'Is this what you've been doing? Is this going to solve your problems, you asshole? LOOK AT YOUR GOD DAMN EYES! THEY'RE SO RED I CAN'T TELL THEM FROM YOUR HAIR!'

As a usual response to Hiei's anger, Kurama always acted like a gentleman and won the battle with grace. He always had a smashing phrase that brought calm and peace, and Hiei always remembered rage wasn't something Kurama could understand. But this time, pushing him, pressuring him, there were several bottles yelling with unexisting voices. Making him do an expression Hiei had never seen on Shuuichi Minamino's face, just in Youko Kurama's.

With speed and strength, his hand reached a half-emptied bottle at a side and in a fast movement, Hiei's face was splashed with stinking liquor.

'How dare you to yell at me like that? It's your fault things are the way they are!'

'Oh, come on! Face it Kurama, you are as guilty as I am!' said Hiei drying his face with his arm. He was surprised after Kurama's reaction but that wasn't going to stop him.

Kurama left his bed, revealing his half-naked body before Hiei, whose attention defocused for just one moment.

Kurama seemed to understand this fact, to which he responded with a look Hiei knew very well.

'Can't you stop thinking about that? Even when we're shouting to each other you still care about sex!'

'Oh, I'm so sorry! I had no clue you were such a prude! DON'T PRETEND YOU WEREN'T LOOKING AT ME!'

'That's not an excuse, Kurama! That's the damn problem! You want me, YOU DON'T LOVE ME!'

'So you think I am that stupid? You think I can't tell sex from love? Is that what you think?'

'SO YOU FINALLY GOT IT!'

Kurama's charming eyes were now filled with rage and anger. Smart people, like him, had a little of madness inside of them; so far there is no one that can state madness isn't just the highest level of excellent intelligence. It was clear to anyone that spent less than two minutes talking to Kurama, that his mind sometimes reached forbidden levels of intelligence, that he had a great and scary intellect not many people could understand, but this wasn't the Kurama Hiei had in front of him. This was just a broken person, an emotional wreck that had madness coming out from his eyes.

'Do you really think that?! DO YOU?!'

'I---'

'WELL YOU'RE WRONG! THEY ARE TWO SEPARATE THINGS AND ONE DOESN'T KEEP THE OTHER FROM EXISTING! OR FROM BEING THERE AND HURT ME TILL' I CAN'T BEAR IT ANYMORE!'

'Kurama, would you calm down?!'

'DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! I JUST CAN'T LIVE WITH IT ANYMORE! I LOVE YOU DAMMIT! WOULD YOU PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT, JACKASS!?'

'KURAMA!'

'IF IT WERE JUST SEX IT WOULDN'T HURT THIS BAD! IF IT WERE JUST DESIRE I WOULD BE ABLE TO FEEL OKAY ONCE WE'RE DONE BUT I---'

'KURAMA CONTROL YOURSELF!'

The scream sounded loud and sharp. Keiko wasn't able to bear all the fighting so after the first shouts she showed herself the exit. It was the first time in years, that they had a fight like this. Kurama wasn't used to yell so his breathing was upsettingly fast and loud. The look on Hiei's face wasn't rage anymore. It was something that Kurama hated from his broken heart and it was something that Hiei tried to hide at first but it showed with eagerness during Kurama's shouts.

'Please…please calm down' said Hiei's scared expression. In times like these, he wasn't embarrassed for feeling afraid. It was just a natural response that anyone who saw what he was staring at would've had.

On the left wall of his elegant room, a fancy mirror waited for him. There, Shuuichi Minamino's well toned body stood no longer…just the pale taller body of Youko Kurama.

Instead of the green burning-with-anger eyes that had looked to Hiei seconds ago, on the cruel mirror's surface two animal-like eyes looked afraid and embarrassed.

Straight silver hair fell down his naked back, as a furry white tail stayed still.

It was in his first year of college, when he found out about his condition. From there, the calm attitude, the gentleness that had always featured him, became mandatory in order to remain as Shuuichi Minamino. It was his body temperature (which happened to be managed by his emotional state) what controlled who he was. Rage easily brings heat. Heat, to Kurama, brought disaster.

Being Youko Kurama was similar to being drunk. He couldn't control himself and after it, he felt like crap. What he specially hated about Youko Kurama was that he was able to translate deep heavy feelings into uncontrollable instinctive actions which only bases were desire.

Being Youko Kurama allowed himself to be spontaneous and even violent. As Youko he only saw purpose and executing. As Kurama, he was doomed to just see consequences.

His mind felt like a foreign horse he wasn't able to whip; he felt the rushing emotions running through his blood torrents, changing him, making him more similar to an operating system every with every passing second. Soon, the only feeling left from Kurama, was the terrible embarrassment. From the gentleman, it was only left the beast.

'Um…so…I'm gonna go now…' said Hiei rushing out of the room

'Wait! We're not done here!'

'Oh yeah…we're done…' if he didn't get out of there soon, he was going to get in trouble. Dealing with drunken Kurama was hard enough but for Hiei Youko was impossible to talk with.

'Look…it's really not time for…I mean…'

'Come on! You aren't scared, are you?'

'Of course not, it's just that…well…your manager is still…'

'She already left and you know it! Stay!' said Youko grinning sickly. Hiei giggled.

'You want to keep on fighting?'

'I wasn't thinking in fighting but…well, whatever you want to call it'

'KURAMA! That's what I meant! You always do that! You always connect things to sex! Face it, it's just sex! It doesn't have to do anything with---'

Soon he was on the floor, lying with a much stronger and bigger body on top of his. He could feel Youko's breathing as his eyes were pierced by the animal-like ones that stared at his soul.

'Fine, if right now that's what it takes to get you the way I want to, then I'll say it's only sex'

Hiei had to gasp with so many weight on top of him. Youko's answer scratched every of Kurama's efforts, while destroyed something important inside of Hiei, something that he didn't recognize but Kurama would've.

He was different from Kurama, but so alike in certain things. They both shared that mesmerizing face which Hiei couldn't stop looking feeling he was staring at the most beautiful face in the entire world. They both were great kissers and fascinating in bed (or anywhere else) and they both were really really gruesome in some things.

He couldn't control himself when his hands started feeling Youko's body.

This was really different from his favourite redhead's. Kurama had a well toned body, really attractive and a little skinny. It was androgynous and hypnotizing and definitively a serious turn on, but Youko had, on the contrary many developed muscles that were nothing like Kurama's smooth skin. It was no surprise; after all, he was one of the best fighters on the spiritual world. Hiei felt a little emasculated by Youko's prominent macho anatomy, but it was just another thing to bear in his painful relationship with Kurama. The demon pressed his lips against Hiei's, as his hands tore clothes apart and scratched slightly the little body he was pushing against the floor. The scratches soon became red, and little blood drops were spread by quick intense movements. Hiei's neck was soon full of scarlet marks that would made Kurama jealous when he returned, his now naked body was being totally manipulated by Youko and in the darkest part of his conscious he felt bad for liking it. Not like Kurama, Youko liked dirty. Kurama liked morbid, but Youko liked dirty. His smile was joined by two piercing eyes that told Hiei he was not going to get it so easily. Right now he was a bit scared by the fox's imagination, knowing he could reach sick places that sometimes were too dark, even for Kurama. Maybe inside he was just insecure because now there was no holding hands or kisses on the forehead, like thank to Kurama, he was used to; but this Hiei would never realize, he just knew he felt less comfortable but a bit excited.

'Hey!' said Hiei's voice 'Awww…hnnn…' Youko was now playing with him. Lips, tongue, fingers (especially fingers) were pleasing Hiei in a way Kurama wouldn't dare to. It felt strange but really 'good'.

But more than strange or good, beyond any of those classifications, Hiei knew that after selling his body for what he 'wanted' to listen, when he looked to the usual green eyes that he feared and loved, he would surely feel guilty.

The next day, Hiei woke up on his room. He didn't know how the hell he had got in there but he actually didn't care that much. His stomach dragged him to the kitchen but no matter from which point of view he looked at the issue, it felt like a walk of shame. Working at the oven, was regular topless Kurama, making pancakes.

'---Now they're going to bed and my stomach gets sick and it's all in my head but she's touching his—chest, now, he takes off her dress now, let me go!' he sang in a cute but goofy way.

'Um..' said Hiei 'am I interrupting something?'

Kurama looked surprised and a little blushed. After a while of awkward silence they both laughed about it. There was a good mood around.

'Want some?' said Kurama showing pancakes to the grinning Hiei

'Sure' he answered 'when did you come back?'

'Around ten. Did I give you a hard time?'

He couldn't stop himself from thinking things like "oh, it was hard' so he chuckled. 'Nah…I got out of the room right after you turned into him'

'I see' he smiled while serving breakfast 'Well…just in case, you know that was not me, right? I have no control over what he does. I hope he didn't trouble you'

Hiei smiled too, remembering. 'No, I told you. We barely spoke'

Pancakes were great, like the beautiful morning weather. Birds sang cheerfully and flowers smelled great. Surprisingly, to Hiei it wasn't annoying anymore, which was the effect good sex had on him. It wasn't that Kurama didn't give him great sex; it was just that it usually was emotionally exhausting having to argue with him after it.

Under the table, Kurama's feet played with Hiei's, creating the happiest atmosphere. The only problem with those is that they are doomed, and convicted to explode in one's face.

'You know…you're painfully cute when you get up' said Kurama 'You're also very cute when you come out from the shower and dry your hair. You look like a kitty'.

Hiei was in such a great mood that he ignored him and went on eating.

'But the thing that scares me the most, it that you're even cuter when you lie, because you think I won't notice and that kinda gives you an innocent expression'.

And there, Hiei opened his eyes wide, staring at the peaceful Kurama who at the moment wasn't looking back.

'I don't…' he tried

'I don't care. I really don't. Just shut up and let's eat breakfast'

'Kurama, I really…I mean, you said that…Youko said that…'

'The thing is, Hiei dear' he started talking while playing with Hiei's hand in an autistic way 'That you think I have some kind of influence on Youko, or maybe it's the other way around, but I don't and he doesn't. We are two different beings in one body, and you know which one you prefer but that's not really the issue here. We are arguing simply because you think last night, whatever you did with him or may I say, he did to you, makes you right. You think it makes me less mature than him, because he just had sex with you. I'm quite sure you think that is very grown up and that I'm a childish looser that tries so hard to make you fall for me, failing every single time. But you know what? I've learned that what really makes you a man, makes you mature, or grown up, whatever you wanna call it, is having the strength to fight for what you want. No matter how many times I fall, or how difficult it is to get up on my feet every time I do…I won't stop until I get what I want. And I want you; I want not only your body, but your soul, your life and your heart. I won't give up until you decide it's time to fall for me. If you think that's insane, let me tell you it's not, you're only scared because you know I'm so great at making people fond of me that I could have you in less than a week; you just won't admit it, and that's okay, I like earning my prizes. But what I won't let you think is that what you did with Youko yesterday makes you right. Because, Hiei honey, we both know it only makes you a whore'.

And thus spoke Kurama, sitting happily with a morbid smile on his drop dead gorgeous face and a silver spoon on his playful mouth, while the opened-mouth Hiei across the table couldn't believe what he just heard.

Truth to be told, Hiei didn't sleep with many people. He was really picky with his partners so he could easily find unattractive features in people. His sexual history was reduced to two people; but since things with Youko felt different from things with Kurama, for Hiei there were three people on his list.

Now, this must not be misunderstood, these 'three' persons worked his ass off. He was beginning to think there was a pattern. The three of them were sick sexual predators and as far as Hiei knew, they were never satisfied. Was it because he liked that kind of partner?

Besides sharing that top feature, they all hated each other and had some kind of complex which to their eyes, Hiei was an innocent lamb the other ones tried to corrupt. They all wanted Hiei so bad; sometimes it was difficult for him to feel free from that leash that hounded him. And it was a secret, even for Hiei himself, that every time he slept with one of them, he felt really guilty. So the continuous battle for Hiei, for his body, or for his heart, was between these three dangerous people. It was basically all between Youko, Kurama, and…well, that is for another chapter to tell.


	6. Morbid habit: the screwing up

Hello, world 2007! This is Hatsuharu, writing about the most beautiful thing in this world: YAOI! As you know, I've taken my time in order to write this chapter. It was because of lack of time! I've started cram school! It's kinda bitchy but teachers are cool…anyway, in this chapter, I felt like doing something a little bit different, so of course, you'll find some changes in my writing style. Thanks to everyone that has left a review…this fic's reviews are my only joy in life, so if you are kind enough to leave one, please do, I'll be highly motivated to keep on writing!!

In this chapter, there is one thing that I've always loved to see in a Kurama-Hiei fan fic, there is also, one thing I cannot bear, and then there is another thing that scares me to death, and that is that I haven't included Yuri-sempai in this chapter, though I promised her I would…she's probably going to kill me, but I'm making a promise to the entire world: YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF YURI!! Please, sempai, wait for chapter seven or eight…so this is it, Chapter six! Please enjoy, and if I'm talking to no one here, let me know TT-TT

Note: in this chapter Kurama sings 'Feeling good', a very popular song. I know this songs has a lot of versions so here I am! To make clear that the version in this chapter, is the Muse version! I REPEAT: IT'S THE ONE THAT SINGS MUSE!! (it's just that i love Muse so deeply...)

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Hiei glowed with a boyish charm Kurama could barely resist. His inexpressive face resting on a soft heart shaped pillow, which Kurama had selected carefully just for him (not that Hiei knew that) was terribly cute and if time hadn't been so tight, Kurama would've jumped onto him and bitten his clothes off.

In some undiscovered place of Kurama's mind, he had lost notion of the difference between Hiei and life, and his beloved's rejections hurt him like a spike belt around his heart, tighter and tighter with every passing day. But for a writer, dying a little bit more with every day was a painful thing to which they had to get used to. And as he felt things inside of him shattered, Hiei moved a little to the right. An unavoidable smile came out, as he looked to his main source of inspiration, the person responsible for most of his emotions.

In novels, in shallow books that sold out with three days past the publication, love was beautiful and made life perfect. No matter how many obstacles the characters found in their way, they always solved them with grace, with passion, with a kick ass script. But this didn't happen in real life, where spikes did hurt and crowns were for harlequins as well as for kings. Sometimes he thought the reason his novels were best-sellers, was that they took readers to a perfect wonderful world, where fire didn't burn and love always found its way, where people chased their dreams with passion and determination, where harlequins became mighty kings, where good triumphed among evil and 'happily ever afters' were possible. And right now, the last thing he thought about his life was that it was going to have a happy ending.

Hiei groaned and as he yawned, his eyes opened slowly. Like silken curtains, his girly eyelashes went in opposite directions, and after a while everything stopped being so blurred. Standing morbidly at the side of his bed, was Kurama perfectly groomed and dressed up.

'What the…?' he tried to mutter vainly. It was too early for his filthy mouth to unleash the words he was trying to say.

'Well, good morning sleepy head! The sun has raised and it's a beautiful day!'

'What…?'

'Oh! I must've forgotten! Silly me! Today we are going out!' Said the most annoying smile Kurama could ever show. Unwillingly, Hiei was taken out of bed, before he knew what was happening, he stood naked before his obviously advantaged predator.

'HEY! Dammit!' yelled Hiei grabbing a sheet and covering himself up.

'Huh…so you sleep naked…well, you really can't blame me for not knowing; you don't like sleeps over, remember?' said Kurama slightly trying to make Hiei feel guilty but making him really angry instead. He opened the drawers looking for decent clothes.

'God,…there's only t-shirts in here…and now I realize only few of them don't have offensive printings on…'

'Go away! I'm not going anywhere with you! Especially this early, what's the matter with you!?'

'Geez…it's eleven thirty already…'

'MY POINT EXACTLY!'

'Calm down…' was the last thing Hiei heard before he felt Kurama's arms around him.

His breathe smelled really nice, and his chest, in which apparently Hiei always seemed to fit, was warm and comfortable. Without realizing the nature of his feelings, he thought it was so much nicer than an aloof stupid bed.

"Maybe I'll sleep on top of it someday…"

'WAIT! NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!'

'I was just trying to wake you up! Don't be so mean to me…'

'Shut up! I told you, I'm not leaving this room!'

'Damn…well, I guess it's my fault…I should've told you about it. We were invited to a party!' he said smiling childishly. Since Hiei gave no answer and instead looked at him with clear homicidal intentions, he kept on talking.

'Yusuke and Keiko are having a small reunion. Everyone is going to be there, so I thought we should go too."

'Huh…this is so weird…you keep on talking but no matter what, I just can't seem to care…' he said, clearly with cero intentions of having a conversation.

'Oh, come on! Kazuma is going to be there…'

'Who's Kazuma?'

'Kuwabara Kazuma, Hiei, the guy who's dating Yukina…'

Hiei's face, for once, showed the deepest interest, mixed with growing rage and a giant footstep of surprise. He was, totally unaware of this situation, and after a couple of seconds, Kurama realized it was mandatory to at least try to fix this terrible (terrible) revelation.

'I mean…well…you would've known if you only attend to our reunions…'

'…like…umm…for…for how long?'

'Well…they are really…the dating started last year but now…'

"Please say the broke up, please say she left him and doesn't care about him anymore…please, please Kurama, I'm begging you…."

'Well, I think it's kinda serious you know…they moved together a couple of months ago…'

Mr. Weather had decided to calm down, choosing a cool but pleasant state, which made flowers grow gracefully, like the beautiful young hearts that spring always opened. A gorgeous sakura tree stood proud in the Minamino's garden, and in its braches, a parade of colorful lovely birds sang in deep harmony and peaceful---

'**OH MY GOD!'**

'Well, don't make so much out of this…he's a gentleman and I'm sure he treats her like—'

'GET OUT!'

'What?'

'GET OUT! I'M GOING TO GET DRESSED!' was the last thing Kurama heard, before he was kicked out of Hiei's room. From here he only heard angry complains from the other side of the door.

'That bastard! How dares he? Didn't I tell him to stay away from her!? What, is his brain that small? Doesn't he understand japanese?'

"Cute…..Hiei you're so cute…and so easy to manipulate…" he thought, feeling happy but a little guilty. Anyway, at this point it was inevitable to predict it; Kuwabara Kazuma was going to have a really hard afternoon.

After Hiei came out of his room, Kurama made him change two times until he decided Hiei was correctly dressed. Then they locked the house and Kurama took a modest keychain out of his pocket.

'What's that?'

'My car keys'

'You have a car?' he asked

'Of course I have a car. What kind of rich person would I be if I didn't own a car?'

Hiei blushed a little. There was something about getting in a car driven by Kurama that seemed incredibly dangerous.

"At least he's not drunk…"

Kurama pressed a little star shaped button on his keychain and immediately the garage door started moving. The light of the early sun soon revealed a really beautiful and fancy car, and even Hiei thought so (even though he wasn't a car guy). It was a silver, metallic, mighty goddess, who captivated the view of whoever mortals had the privilege to see it. Yes, it was a Lamborghini Murcielago.

'So…what do you think?'

'Um….you know….shiny….'

Kurama's victorious smile showed up as they walked to the car.

'So how long have you been a car guy?' asked Hiei as Kurama turned to the right.

'Oh…I'm not a car guy…'

'Come on…you'd probably make out with this car if I weren't here'

'Well this one is special…even you said so…'

'I said it was shiny. But I guess you're right. It's kinda cool'

Kurama smiled in a sick way. There wasn't so much space to move around but it was certainly comfortable. Hiei couldn't help noticing the scent of fresh roses that invaded the air or the cold atmosphere that bugged him since the first minute he sit there.

The temperature got lower with the passing seconds; Hiei was beginning to feel really uncomfortable. He must've done something to show this, since the following words came out of Kurama's mouth:

'Oh…are you cold? I'm so sorry; I forgot you can't bear cold' he said, barely searching for the air conditioner switch. 'Well…hmm…could you look for the switch?'

Hiei didn't even bother. Every single word written on any button, was in a foreign language he didn't understand. He tried looking at Kurama in a severe way, but he didn't notice.

'Oh, well…can you wait until next stop?'

'Nah…I'll deal with it'

'I'm warning you, it's a long way!'

'Whatever…'

And though until now Hiei ignored what was going on, Kurama's dirty nature floated to the surface, disguised under playful words that awoke Hiei's guard.

'Then you wouldn't care if I turned it up, wouldn't you?'

'But…you can't…you don't know where the switch is'

'Yeah well but…I mean, if I knew where it was, would you care? It's just that you don't look so pissed now so would it matter if I turned it up?'

"What kind of retarded question is that? Of course it matters! I'm freezing my ass off right now; if you turned it up I would certainly die in the next fifteen minutes!"

'I wouldn't care; but you don't know where the switch is, so really, who cares?'

In the next fifteen minutes, a heated debate was developing inside Hiei's head. His body was completely sure the air conditioner was insanely higher, but his mind kept saying that it was likely impossible, since Kurama "didn't know" where the switch was, and even if he did, Hiei had been watching him closely and no button-pressing had been done.

He wasn't tall enough to look at himself in the mirror, but he was almost sure his face was turning blue. His hands shook at an amazingly fast beat, as his feet moved wildly in a pathetic intend to bring heat. The car had dark windows, but he was convinced that it was a sunny day. But what really made him mad, was Kurama's lame "I haven't noticed" act. It was all a set-up; a filthy well planned tramp; and everything told Hiei he was in trouble. What he didn't get, was the reason, the objective in all that.

"Kurama wants to make me cold…so that he can…lend me his jacket?"

Hiei looked at the mastermind behind it all, searching for any clue, anything that could explained why he was doing that. But in all of a sudden, the inevitable happened, leaving a blushed Hiei and a victorious Kurama.

sneeze 

One brought two, soon there were three, four, five, and a couple of minutes later, Kurama started phase 2, the most important.

'You must be really cold…do you want some tissues?'

The weird thing about Hiei, was that he had an odd notion of what brought down a man's pride. He refused to show weakness by using tissues, which before his twisted mind, were evil manhood-stealing little soldiers. He didn't answer, but later he strongly wished he had.

'If you're that cold, why don't you shake your feet or something. You know physical activity brings heat'

'Kurama, let's just say that I belief in that annoyingly naïve act you're putting on. Let's say you really haven't notice that THAT is exactly why I've been doing for an entire hour now. Here's my answer: Yes, that might work, thank you very much'

'Sorry then…You know I'd do anything to help you out'

'Oh my god, you know as well as I do that that's just a lot of crap. You're obviously enjoying this'

'Oh, that was really mean. I certainly would help you if I could'

'Come on! If you just do what you know you can do but don't want to, I'll be perfectly fine'

'But I do…I want to, but you'll get mad'

'Why in hell would I get mad? Damn…why are you like this?'

Hiei was sure they were talking about Kurama turning off the damn air conditioner, but they really weren't talking about the same thing, and just one of them knew that.

'Ok…remember you asked for it…I'll park on that corner, just wait'

'Finally!' the next thing he was sure he'd see, was Kurama parking and taking a deeper look at all of those buttons until finally, pressing one of them and releasing Hiei from his growing pain. But immediately after he parked, his face started to show a curious look, a fearful smile.

The next thing he did, was taking off both of the seat belts and approaching to Hiei's sit. After two seconds, his tongue was inside Hiei's mouth, and after two seconds more, a reaction finally happened.

'WHAT THE…!?'

Without looking at them, Kurama's fingers quickly moved among the shiny buttons, in such a familiar way, Hiei perfectly realized that Kurama knew from the beginning, where the damn switch was.

Soon both sits were moving, reclining totally and discovering a wider space. The radio was turned on, and a song he didn't know started to sound. He could smell Kurama; he could feel his intense desire and his creepy and endless hunger. He looked into his eyes, just to find eagerness ready to explode. His smile, his eyes, his silky hair and his fancy clothes called him, told him to be his. It was a spell Hiei wasn't able to resist; Kurama's charming everything attracted him in unknown ways that would never be explained. On top of him, the predator made his first moves, as perfect as always.

'I wanna help you, so let me heat you up'

His amazing lips scratched his neck, warming it and then taking the heat away with every pause. Hiei couldn't help hugging him; he wanted to be totally covered with that warm body; it hurt in every body part that wasn't in contact with Kurama.

Soon he felt him all over his chest; thought he was taking his clothes off, the only thing felt was pleasure and there was no trace from cold.

"**What kind of person are you?" **

**"Why can you make me feel so good?"**

**"...Why does it feel like I'm yours even when we're apart?"**

'Better?' said Kurama rushing between kisses. His breathe smelled really great and it made Hiei close his eyes as he enjoyed the skillful worker. With a gruff and broken voice, Hiei moaned slowly as Kurama went lower and lower; soon his pants were off and Kurama was doing the best thing he did. On his back, the redhead felt two tiny hands pulling, yelling at him to get closer, with great strength and determination. This made him happy and motivated him to make a great job. Between moans and gasps, Hiei's eyes opened, just to look at Kurama's, making sure he was staring at him. He wanted to be Kurama's, to be his only interest; he wanted Kurama to be focused just on him, and most important, nowhere else. And he could feel Kurama, in a way he had never before. He could feel his intensity, his desire, his 'so-called-love'.

"**It's like his feeling are burning me from the points where our bodies are touching"**

'Ha-harder…' said he, blushing until choking. And Kurama obeyed him, glad and loyal.

A new song was on the radio, filling the freezing air along with Hiei's moans and some other noises, products of unlimited pleasure.

'Har...Harder' said he, shutting his eyes and showing the pain he felt in his face.

'Harder?...' Kurama chuckled. He soon found a way to take advantage of this situation

'Then beg for it…' he said, slowing down.

Hiei froze. Everything that mattered to him in those moments, was being taken away. He then, understood, what he was asking for, worth every piece of shame he was going to feel.

'I'm…' he breathed strongly and without self-control 'I'm begging'

'Alright, then…'

From the fancy car mysteriously parked on the corner of the street, there sudden screams filled with raging emotion. But soon, turning away all the faces interested in taking a peek, the volume of the radio started to sound higher.

'Stars when you shine, you know how I feel…scent of the pine, you know how I feel…yeah, freedom is mine! And you know how I feel…It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life…for me…'

'Oh, shut the fuck up!'

'…And I'm feeling good' sang the cheerful redhead on his way to knocking the door of the green house at the corner of 14th and 8th street. At his side, walked a short guy who looked like he was going to kill someone very soon.

'Do you want to hold my hand, so they'll know that we're dating?'

'WE ARE NOT!'

'Gosh, you're so pretty' said Kurama touching Hiei's blushed cheek.

'Don't touch me. Just knock the damn door, NOW!'

'Just don't be so mean to them, I just deal with your temper because I love you, but they in the other hand..'

'Shut up! Now listen to me, we're going in there saying you just gave me a ride, and after I kick some lame ass we're out!'

'So I can't say we're lovers?'

'WE ARE NOT!'

The door opened, showing a very familiar face, and letting out a very familiar loud voice.

'Yo' man! You came!'

'Hello Yusuke, how have you been?'

The two men hugged, and after a few seconds, Yusuke's attention and eyes pointed to a point much more nearer to the floor.

'Wow! Even you came! This is awesome!' said he, clearly trying to hug Hiei too, but stopping before Hiei's expression 'Just a handshake, huh?'

'So I'm trying to beat this clumsy guy up, and who gets in my way? This idiot claming he saw him first! So I tell him "You better get your own guy cuz I'm not leaving this" and he says "Is that so?" well, by the end of it the guy was totally gone and I had to track him down all over again!'

'You're telling it wrong! Here, let me tell it'

'Oh, stop it, you two! Nobody cares about your work, Yusuke' said Keiko in a wifely way, coming out of the kitchen. She brought sodas and snacks for the guests.

Yusuke was a loud laugher, which annoyed Hiei as any other item of the house. The stupid smiling teenager had become a normal adult (you know, except for his job as a spiritual detective), with a wife and a kid. But Hiei couldn't care less about Yusuke's life. He focused on the guy sitting next to Yusuke; Kuwabara Kazuma.

'So, Kuwabara, why didn't Yukina and you come together?' said Hiei talking for the first time since he entered to that house 'I mean, did you break up? Cause you can tell me if you did, I'm all ears'.

Kurama cleared his throat, expecting for a politer Hiei to appear.

'Oh, she had a doctor's appointment, so she'll be a little late. I normally would go with her but she insisted in me coming first.'

'Doctor appointment huh? That sounds kinda tricky; I would be worrying in your place…'

'Damn! Are this snacks unbelievable or is it just me?! Mmmm!' said Kurama in a ridiculously loud voice

'I mean, come on! A doctor's appointment? Do people actually do that?'

'Yeah, those doctors right? Healing people and all…Totally old-fashioned' interrupted Kurama trying to change the subject no matter how idiotic sounded what he said.

'Well, of course, if you want my opinion, I'd say you two are not made for each other. Seriously, you deserve another kind of girl. Someone that suits you better!'

Before the confused Kuwabara could answer, the doorbell rang and Keiko disappeared quickly. Soon she was in the room again; and Koenma holding hands with a very pregnant Botan made their appearance.

'Hey!' everybody (except for Hiei) shouted. While Botan smiled in a pretty way, Koenma looked embarrassed and a little ashamed. But who doesn't when you knock up your secretary.

'How did that happen?' said Yusuke totally amazed. Koenma laughed nervously as Botan sit. His face looked so funny that Hiei yearned to explain to him how an egg, sperm and alcohol were necessary, but before he could burst into laughs, Botan started talking.

'Oh, it's been a while now. Seven months' she said, completely ignoring Koenma and his shameful attitude.

'I didn't know you two guys…well…'

'Oh…yeah…well, we wanted to keep it down for a while but…' said Koenma speaking for the first time.

'But aren't you like nine, Koenma?'

Everybody stared at Hiei for his brave question. Then, they turned to Koenma. Of course he didn't look like it, because he had changed his appearance, but most of the time they saw him, he looked like a ten-year-old.

'Um…that's just an appearance…I'll be like this from now on…'

After they spoke for a little while, Hiei returned to his hawk-like look and stared to the pitiful creature he was about to mutilate.

Then the doorbell rang again, making Keiko disappear one more time. This time, in her gorgeous long kimono, appeared Yukina smiling beautifully. Hiei was deeply touched by this vision. He had not seen her for a lot of time, and now, when she finally materialized before him, this stupid Kazuma jackass stood in the picture. After everybody greeted, Hiei remembered, for her he was only the weird short guy with an eye on his forehead. Of course there were times when he regretted from his decision of keeping the secret, but his Kurama-like pride did not allow him to show it. Yukina would never find out she had a brother, but for Hiei, this was the best way to go.

'So Honey, how did it go in the doctor's office?'

'Well, they said they would call later to give me the results. They did so many tests!'

Hiei could easily hear what they said. Even if they talked in a really low voice, like they were doing, he could hear them with no efforts.

Although his jaw shook suddenly when she sit on the idiot's legs, he was calmed during most of the afternoon, and relieved when Kurama decided to go out for a smoke.

'What the fuck is the deal with him?'

'He's in love, what else?' said Kurama, as he smoked a thin white cigarette

'Come on! It is so obvious! She's with him because she feels sorry for him! How could there be more than just pity? Look at him! Then look at her!'

Kurama stayed in complete silence, as Hiei kept on talking about how he would kill Kuwabara Kazuma.

'You really idolize your sister, don't you?'

'Of course I do! She's nothing but female perfection! A beautiful snow-white princess! A naïve, innocent young virgin THAT ASSHOLE is trying to corrupt!'

Kurama stared at him as he finished the second cigarette.

'You really don't think she's still a virgin, right?'

Some sort of vein popped in Hiei's eye.

'You didn't just say that…'

'Well, they are living together, after all…I'm just supposing that maybe…'

'Do not dare to imply that…or anything related to it…just because you are a sex maniac, it doesn't mean everybody has to be like YOU!'

Kurama smiled softly. He left his cigarette aside and approached Hiei's raging body. He took a better look to the prepared Hiei, and then he whispered to his blushed little ear…

'Oh, please…please Kurama, more…harder…I said harder! Please, Kurama, I'm begging…Oh god…that's it…right there…aw…yes!...yes!...ye---'

**'SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!'**

The guests that were in the living room were scared to death by the scream. It had come from the balcony. Although everybody wanted to know about it, no one dared to go anywhere nearer.

'That's ok…I'll go' said Botan

'No, I'll—'

But Botan had already stood from her chair, and was opening the kitchen door, which leaded to the mysterious balcony.

After being thrown away by the furious little mean guy on the balcony, Kurama entered the kitchen, facing Botan. They smiled shortly to each other and then a conversation started.

'What was that?'

'Oh…I made Hiei mad…I was lucky he didn't punch me…'

'Ah…I see…'

'So…congratulations! You and Koenma, huh?'

'Yeah…he's great….'

They looked to the floor, to the roof, to the windows; Kurama even tried counting the dishes on the dishwasher, finally, there came a time for awkward to end, as we all know, bringing only bad news.

'Listen, Kurama…can we talk?'

Hiei could barely breathe. He was so blushed he felt like boiling, and the only thing he could think of, was stupid (stupid!) Kurama.

He knew from the beginning, Kurama wouldn't let it go…every time Hiei did something embarrassing, he squeezed all the substance form it and didn't waste any of it. He felt really embarrassed. He knew begging was the worst mistake of his life, but he did it anyway. When Kurama was on top of him, he didn't think clearly.

His face was so blushed it felt like swelling. The only thing he could hear was his own heartbeat, but soon, there was more to hear.

'Wait!...don't…don't cry!' said a familiar hated voice from the other side of the door.

When he got closer, he could tell the man speaking was Kurama, and the woman weeping was Botan.

'I can't…n't…h-help it!' she said, drowning in her own sobbing.

'Oh, the hormones, right?'

She cried louder, but not loud enough for anyone but the three of them to hear.

'I…I just have been carrying this weight with me since…'

'Are…you referring to the baby?'

'OF COURSE NOT!' she yelled 'I'm referring to the fact, that it's all a lie! A big fat lie that will ruin both of our lifes!'

'I…don't understand, Botan…'

'The baby…the baby isn't seven months old…' she said.

A little to the left, there was a little window covered by a purple curtain. Through it, Hiei could see the two body shapes perfectly. Kurama was now helping Botan to have a sit in a small kitchen chair, as he removed her hair from her forehead.

'Well…no one is going to care about that…'

'NO! You DON'T UNDERSTAND!' she shouted. Hiei began to worry about someone else being able to listen to them. If there was, it was a sure thing they would be interrupted, and Hiei couldn't bear not knowing how this conversation would end.

'The baby…I've been pregnant for eight months…not seven…' she said, before letting out a really loud sob. Kurama still had a question mark on his beautiful concerned face.

'So…'

'So…' she said between gasps '…do the math'

She stared at him with bloody-inked shiny eyes, and it was before she began saying 'I'm so sorry' over and over again, that the man in front of her, as well as the man behind the closed door, understood painfully that it wasn't Koenma's child, whatever was inside of the crying lady.


	7. Morbid habit: the misbehaving

Well, after chapter six I wasn't quite sure about what I was going to write. It was pretty depressing seeing things had come to the way they did. It took me some time to recover but now I'm good.

I'm really grateful to namby-pamby; hers was one of my favorite reviews. I felt a little bad while scanning the text for grammar mistakes (I've already corrected them on my drafts, I'll correct the online version when time is not so tight ok?) but at the same time I felt encouraged to improve my English! YES! Hatsuharu has travelled to the dark and lost land of the English language, where she feels unsafe and meager, but as in great stories, SHE WILL RISE FROM THE MEDIOCRE (if she has time because school is such a pain in the ---) AND SHOW TO EVERYONE SHE CAN DO BETTER!!!

Anyway, in case I keep on humiliating myself with homicidal grammar mistakes, please DO make me aware of them! Hmmm…maybe I'll keep making them so I get more reviews…Oh! Also thank you very much to all the kind souls whose reviews are glistening right now; remember any review makes my day…please…oh! And although I often say it is fine to critic and tell the truth, please go easy on that because I'm really thin-skinned but won't admit it :) Anyway, let's see how last chapter's mess gets cleaned up…or not. AHH!! Just like previous knowledge, chu is the sound that a kiss makes (from japanese pint of view). By the way, i'm so sorry...this author messages keep getting bigger and bigger...it's just that writing so much without saying anything about me is really hard (because i'm such a **narcissistic egomaniac**, please understand).

OH! And thank you very much to Kuroi Tamashi (I WAS SMILING FOR A WHOLE DAY because of your review)

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'Oh...honey! Are those the hormones again?' said Koenma irrupting into the kitchen. Botan, who almost seemed to be drowning in her own weeping, opened her dilapidated eyes and tried to hide the shock. From under all the boiling red of her breaking face, a sordid smile snapped out as she was walked to the bathroom. And after the trace made of tears and bursting melancholy, stood a man that for the first time in his life, let his face to show how he was falling apart on the inside. He was certainly, the only person in the room, but why then, did he felt mocked and derided by millions. Why could he still hear her weeping, even when they weren't in the same room? Even though he wasn't emotionally available to answer these questions, something guarantied him he would feel like that for the rest of his life.

For people like Kurama, pride was more of a body extension than an arm or a leg; pride wasn't everything, but it was deadly close. And now, pride was just a luxury he couldn't afford, or didn't know anymore how to.

He now, was just an incomplete being, ashamed of what he had become; a squirming creature, choking in the midst of a self-created tragedy that only brought guilt and the painful absence of self-respect. That was it. He and his twisted little tachycarding heart, naked before the harmful world.

Unable to remember how to breathe normally, his eyes wandered; he was still in a kitchen, in his friend's house, in the same world he was in, ten minutes before. Soon every breath he drew was abnormally painful, as the fact that there was not a damn chair in the whole damn kitchen.

His right hand pulled his hair out of his steady face, soon regretting; he wanted to hide from world while his soul burned with embarrassment.

So thus felt Shuuichi Minamino. But just because a hunter shoots one time, it doesn't mean just one deer falls defeated.

Behind the thin glass, stood Jaganshi Hiei, one of the most powerful demons in hell. When he got mad, his lively eyes exploded with fearless flames and his body radiated a heavier energy which humans called 'fire'. But no matter how differently his body reacted, a broken heart always goes through the same. And, as rage, pain doesn't allow to see further than what the heart sees; too bad hearts are totally blind.

It is not necessary to mention the titanic storm that developed inside of Hiei's threadbare head. The main reason why he couldn't deal with what he felt, was that he didn't understand it or didn't want to; and the only thing he could clearly see, was the terrible and giant spike that Botan and stupid Kurama had just drop on his back.

An overwhelming and awkward feeling started to fester inside his shrieking heart, and after a couple seconds warming up, it hiked all the way to his throat and got bigger as it crawled. But when it was finally going to be free, after so much time, after so many years, Hiei chewed it, merciless and swallowed it, like he had done so many times before. Yes, it was 16 years since the last time Hiei had cried.

Although he knew Kurama slept around like crazy (and this was printed on his brain in gold burning letters), he had never imagined Botan was on the redhead's list. He liked a different kind of woman. Hiei had met several models, actresses, anchors women and even pop stars doing the walk of shame from the Minamino mansion. Always shallow, stupid, smoking hot and glamorous women; simply one night stands Kurama had no idea Hiei was aware of. Just blurry photos to be proud of, hanging in the halls of the writer's sick mind.

But to find out Botan was one of those alcoholic nights Kurama yearned to erase, to know she was carrying something that linked her to Kurama forever, ate him from inside, festering each bitten organ so fast it smelled like rotten from where he was standing.

So he smiled, like he always did in hard times like those. He smiled alone, standing there, in a stupid balcony, at the stupid house of stupid Yusuke and stupid Keiko; he smiled so hard while the heaviest emptiness sank his sparse heart. And there he was, Jaganshi Hiei, smiling and unable to feel nothing but stupid.

It's a strange feeling when a child asks you what a broken heart is. Those who have that luck may feel like giving a shallow answer; children's hearts are as fragile as naïve, and nothing guarantees us a random word won't shatter something inside of them. But it is important for them to know about broken hearts. It is important for them to know that hearts never grow, they just die. It is important for them to know hearts are always shy, mostly wrong, extremely stupid, unnecessarily gentle and somehow never missing of that kind of beauty that is always remembered. It is important for them to understand, that hearts learn faster than they should; that hearts bite once they've been bitten. It is important for them to know that when a heart is broken, it never really heals. It just turns around so we can forget about a wound after some time without seeing it. And it is important for them to know, that it is never painless when a heart breaks, even when it is not its first time. And first times, as in sex, are the most confusing, the most harmful, and the most important. First times are just a test to separate some kind of hearts from the rest of them; to see how many survive and how many give up. The thing is, that the first time a heart breaks, it will always feel like hearts are meant to break, that the wound will never be forgotten and that the kind of heart that doesn't give up doesn't exists. And when a heart is broken, it cries as loud as loud can be, but nobody listens; it fights with anyone that comes in the way but somehow never wins; it writes about pain and sorrows, hoping to heal but feeling worse; and finally, it grieves, feeling helpless and unworthy, and closes its eyes feeling like it's going to be forever like that. But children are not meant to know this; at least not before making some wounds of their own. Not like children, Hiei knew about evil, about sex and about pain, but this last thing, this thing about broken hearts, he still had to learn.

Hiei started looking for an apartment the night he and Kurama returned from Yusuke's.

Kurama, of course, locked himself in his room. In the way to his house he had almost run over a couple that yelled the hell to him, but not as much as Hiei did.

Orphen looked hungry and for the first time, Hiei felt bad for him. He felt bad for not taking care of him, for always being busy doing whatever he was doing and not having enough time to feed a stupid helpless dog. He glared at Hiei with such big and glistening eyes he looked like a youthful schoolgirl but much prettier than anyone Hiei actually knew. The dog food was poured in the fancy container Kurama had bought. Orphen ate his ass off and then followed Hiei to the silent living room. There, he looked at his master, feeling something wasn't right. He felt different from usual and absorbed in his own world. And like every good dog, he sat with his owner, getting closer, hoping he would share with him whatever it was that made him look so beaten.

'Um…' Hiei said, watching the uncomfortable process in which a dog sits at a side and approaches with its head in a sign of affection 'am I supposed to pet you or something?'

Orphen's head kept on caressing his shoulder, while he felt in a way he didn't know a person could feel. And for the first time, he understood why people hugged each other in moments of pain.

"Because…" he thought searching for word to describe the motherly way in which Orphen snuggled his shoulder "Because…"

Unable to control his hand, he hold his dog closer, feeling another body heat without feeling ashamed of what he was doing.

"Maybe…just…because"

He grabbed the newspaper that rested on the little coffee table, and a red marker that conveniently was close to it.

"Two bedrooms, one kitchen, one bathroom, small living room, nice view"

And by the end of the night, the paper had three red circles on it.

The next morning a short man came out of the Minamino mansion. He was wearing plain jeans and a black blazer, along with a striped scarf and his hands nailed to his pockets. And leaving Orphen waving with his warm tongue at the door, he went on keeping three addresses on his mind.

He walked determined to do what he had promised himself he would do, standing at the mansion's door a couple of minutes before. He had prohibited himself of thinking things over in any possible way, he had promised to maintain his mind clear from any annoying feeling that could interfere. There had to be, somewhere out there, a damn apartment he could afford, far enough from Kurama and the memories anyhow associated to him. The choice had been made and it was forbidden to think more about it. And so, Hiei walked, walked to the unknown hoping to find a new future.

The first place was too big for one person, specially a loner like Hiei. The second apartment was on the seventh floor of an orange building. Hiei didn't mind the fact that there was no elevator but hated orange so that one was out automatically. And after those two his hopes focused on the third one, which seemed perfect at first sight. Anyway, when stepping in he noticed the squeaky sounds the floor made so before his third step he was out of there.

And disappointed, he crossed the lobby while imagining Kurama's victorious face. Once more, he had won. But then, like a shining angel, a tall blonde walked to the message board, hanging a yellow bright paper that had big bold letters on it.

Hiei's eyes opened wide and when realizing his attention was on her, the girl smiled.

The loud noise of the door closing sounded in every room. Then the sound of Orphen running was heard and for the first time, Hiei petted the dog smiling widely.

'Guess what? We're moving out!'

Now, in crappy movies or even books written by optimistic authors, this dog would've given an almost invisible hint of turning gloomy; but of course, dogs can't understand people, and even less when it's confused people. So Orphen did not understood and kept on licking Hiei's face over and over again, until his patience ran out and when sensing it, Orphen stepped back.

'Yes, doggy, we're moving out! I was just giving up when this chick tells me about the perfect place! Just wait 'till I close the deal, then we're OUT!' he said.

And he could've kept on talking, believe me, he could have gone on and on about that perfect place he couldn't wait to live in…but he was never free of those heavy handcuffs that mad him feel like being in someplace else. Little noises came from the kitchen, where Kurama had clearly heard what he had said.

There was Kurama, still on his sleepwear even though it was past noon. He was making some coffee by himself, even though the machine usually in charge of doing that was right next to him. His hands shook a little, giving him the appearance of someone that had taken too many pills or just gone insane.

Hiei looked at him from the kitchen door; he was not seeing the mighty Shuuichi Minamino, or the morbid Kurama; just some ridiculous empty, shameful copy neither of them recognized.

Kurama dropped the little tea cup (which he had never used to drink coffee and this fact worried Hiei even more than seeing him in that condition), that shattered into several pieces on the kitchen's floor. Hiei was shocked by this event, he had never seen Kurama dropping something or even approaching to any sketch of a clumsy action, but what he wasn't really expecting was the following.

Kurama looked at the floor; the look on his eyes was comparable to the look of a piece of seaweed but even deader. He came to his knees and started cleaning the mess with his own hands. But he didn't react when several little cuts beginning to appear on them.

'Kurama…?'

Kurama looked at him, with clearly no intention of having a conversation.

After a couple of awkward seconds, Kurama returned to his own world, where he was a simple shattered-glass collector. Hiei felt as scared as ashamed, and soon left the ridiculous copy to work.

Even though his room was initially one of the guestrooms, Kurama immediately took care of every detail and soon the room felt like his own. It was really comfortable, and Hiei really liked it but of course he wouldn't admit it. Actually, he liked a lot of things Kurama did for him (or to him), but he would never admit it, it didn't matter if he was hanging by one sparse rope above a lake infested by hungry piranhas, he wouldn't admit it, and this they both knew. In fact, more than things Kurama did for him, there were things Kurama did for no reason. For example, the way his hands would go through his hair, his sweet smell on Monday mornings, the serious expressions he would make once he was engaged on writing or even the look on his eyes when he roared with laughter. Hiei laid on his bed, glaring at the ceiling he would have to leave for another very soon. He covered his face with one of the stupid heart-shaped pillows that Kurama had bought for him and just because of all those things about Kurama, he grinned secretly, feeling a little embarrassed but relieved.

(D R O P) (D R O P) (D R O P) (D R O P) (D R O P) (D R O P) (D R O P)

Under what seemed like a crying sky, a fourteen year old boy rode his bike.

'I shouldn't have gone to school today' he thought. The bike went faster and faster with every passing second, increasing the boy's careful attitude because of the terribly slippery street. It was six o' clock in the afternoon, but the sky was going already from a dying gray to the definitive black. Streets were lonely and everything seemed to be made of ashes, and while the setting screamed for lively colors, the little boy couldn't notice any of this just because his objective was getting home. He held on to his package like it was a part of him; and while it was being pressed against the boyish chest, the package beat along with his heart. The rain became stronger, so stronger that in every dark corner of every building, there was a couple of doves cuddling warmly, so stronger, that a bike was a cruel and pitiful joke.

'Ahhhh!' was the last thing heard from the little fourteen year old boy, before the sudden weeping he couldn't stop started. His little, but numerous scratches were cleaned up by needle-like drops falling from the sky. At his right side, a few feet way, was his bike, laying and waiting for a rider who couldn't ride anymore.

His scarf and hat were near the bike, victims of sudden drowning, resting wet on the floor, like dead jellyfishes. And as witness of the scene, Jaganshi Hiei made his appearance from the darkest corner of the ally.

'Oh, stop it already' he said approaching to the crying little boy 'scratches like those don't hurt that bad'

The boy nodded a little ashamed. He sucked in any body fluids that might've been released before and in a cute way, tried to stand up. His knee hurt really bad and a feverish feeling was beginning to invade him.

'It…it hurts…' he said. After Hiei's glare he walked (a crawl-like walk) to his bike and tried to get on it. His sweet youthful face made cute pain expressions, thought Hiei.

'It is hard sometimes…to believe Youko is in you…'

'I'll get stronger, I told you…'

'But it's been two years since you promised and I haven't seen you improving…I'm beginning to think of you as a lost cause' The boy kept on trying to get on his bike but because of the wounds he couldn't raise his legs without feeling the kind of pain that only goes by the name of 'pain' when it is watched with young eyes and felt with a virgin heart.

'Kurama, are you listening to me?'

'I'm busy here!'

'They're just scratches! Anyway, why don't you walk home?'

'I have to be there like in ten minutes….I shouldn't have gone to school today'

Hiei wasn't really interested in hearing anything else, but couldn't stop himself form asking.

'Did you just get out of school? Isn't your school in the other direction?' said Hiei. Suddenly his eyes landed on the little package Kurama held. It was taller than wider, and was wrapped with brown thick paper.

'I come from school. I had to pick this up'

Kurama's face suddenly showed the same worry lines he would keep as an adult.

'They are for my mom. She's sick again'

Hiei had only known Kurama for four years back then. From the first time he saw him, walking home and holding his school books, he knew he wasn't a normal boy. He could feel Youko's energy from a distant point; it was certainly a half-youkai being.

But from the first time he saw Kurama, he also knew he wasn't a normal boy, he was dangerously smarter than most of people, the kind of human that thinks outside the box. And sadly, the other reason why he wasn't a normal boy, was that while other ten-year olds played and laughed, regardless of the real world and its poisonous problems, little Minamino Shuuichi took good care of his constantly ill mother, whom he loved as much as his young heart could love anything or anyone.

Kurama opened the package to reveal some of the most beautiful roses Hiei had ever seen. There were like five or six of them but Kurama held them so close, so careful they looked like the last left in the whole world.

'Mom loves them, so I came here, to the cemetery' he said. Everytime he talked about his mother, his face glistened with childish light 'You know…there's a flower shop near our house but the roses that grow on the cemetery are prettier…anyway, I forgot the timing…if I'm not there in a few minutes she'll forget to take her pills'

(D R O P) (D R O P) (D R O P) (D R O P) (D R O P) (D R O P) (D R O P)

Hiei smiled. He smiled but he felt sad. Once the heart-shaped pillow returned to its place he sat on the corner of the bed. His eyes were unusually heavy and something dark inside of him chewed whatever it is that makes us want to open them. Whatever it was, that little creepy chewing creature, it made the day seem awfully gloomy and cold.

In a shoe box filled with old letters, hidden under blue and white socks and some old t-shirts, rested something Hiei was about to use after a long time.

He took the box out of the drawer, and putting the letters aside, he found his old fellows, who had waited for him many many years.

And so, Jaganshi Hiei took out his pencil and his sketchbook, and started to feel better as his hand moved the pencil demonically fast on the empty page.

Everything was perfect for Hiei, or at least that was what he wanted to believe. Everything was perfect in his unplugged reality, in his private universe, where atmosphere was a distant piano melody and night was nothing but the acoustic guitar's turn. But 'perfect' is anything but real, especially in a house like the Minamino mansion. It was quarter past three when the blonde girl called.

'Wadoyamean? I thought we had a deal!'

'Yes, I'm sorry, Mr. Jaganshi but a better offer came out and I can't---'

'How's a better offer possible? I said I'd paid you what you were asking!'

'Well I don't think you can pay what they are offering?'

'What? Who are they? How much are you getting?'

A gentle but firm whisper was heard as Hiei held the phone closer.

'WHAT? FOR THAT PLACE? COME ON!'

'It seemed to me like they really wanted this place. I tried to talk them into something more…well, I didn't want their money to be absurdly invested, y'know?'

'But that's like ten times what you said the rent was! Who would want that place so badly to pay that amount of money?'

'I'm really sorry, Mr. Jaganshi. Maybe they wanted this specific place. The weird thing is that the guy said he wasn't moving in any soon…maybe the money is because he doesn't want anyone else to match his offer while he's not living there..'

'Dammit! Who the hell would---! Wait…you said 'that guy'! Didn't you say 'they' at first?'

'Yeah…that was the weirdest thing of all…the guy insisted in referring to him as a company. He said he didn't own one but if anyone asked about him I should say 'them' instead of 'him'. He also said I shouldn't say his name. It was a little creepy….he was really cute, though…Mr.Jaganshi?...Mr. Jaganshi, are you there?'

Kurama's fingers skated on a flat keyboard, telling wonderful stories of love and beauty while he cursed everything known as good in this world inside his head. It was sadness and depression, what moved writers faster and increased their skills. Not only morbid writers took advantage of their own grieving, it was a general rule that even applied to other kind of artists. But Kurama was too busy hanging himself emotionally to realize any of this, but more importantly, he was too busy to see him coming; the furious Jaganshi Hiei that came to him with no mercy and ready to yell his ass off.

So naturally, his entire body jumped discretely and all of a sudden, when his laptop's screen closed abruptly. His eyes scanned the guilty hand and passed through the arm and shoulder until finally reaching Hiei's face, which was, by the way, showing the scariest expression a face could make without eating itself out of nothing.

'GIVE ME MY APARTMENT BACK!'

'Hey I hadn't saved that'

'GIVE ME MY APARTMENT BACK YOU SON OF A BITCH!'

Kurama's startled expression changed suddenly to a serious and relentless mask. Hiei had forgotten he was referring to Kurama's mother and that was never a pleasant topic to talk about.

'G-give it! Give me my apartment back!'

Kurama looked at him in a way he hadn't in years, while Hiei waited for the same kind of answer Kurama always gave: the one that no matter what, he wouldn't be able to understand.

'I don't know what you're talking about'

Outrageous silence filled the room. The two men stood one in front of the other, staring at themselves with so many to say…

'ARE YOU KIDDIN ME?!?' He was so mad he could've slapped him 'GIVE ME MY APARTMENT NOW!'

Kurama looked deadly calm but much more intense than he had been ever. The way his eyes shined with feverish perfection made Hiei feel already defeated and somehow ok with it.

'This, is the key to your apartment' said Kurama, taking a golden key from his pocket.

'You know I won't take it from you! Call her and tell her you're backing off!'

'Sorry' he said 'I won't'

Hiei couldn't believe what he was hearing. Of all the insanely arrogant jackass stuff Kurama had done, this was surely the number one BY FAR.

'You…you knew I wouldn't take it from you…that's why you bought it…cuz that would be the only way to keep me out of there without being directly an asshole…'

'I'm not doing anything wrong…just helping you out…if you don't want to accept the apartment it's not my fault…'

'No…no….give it back! Give it! Kurama you can't do this, WE HAD A DEAL!'

'I never said I wouldn't buy you an apartment…'

'NO! I…I let you…I never…I TOLD YOU! FROM THE BEGINNING! GIVE IT BACK! GIME MY APARTMENT BACK!'

'**GIVE IT BACK!'**

Kurama was trapped between Hiei's ferocious body and the wall. His taller body was being lifted by fierce and angry fists, which remained firmly fixed to the upper part of his shirt. His usual writing chair had been thrown and now rested on the right side of the voracious creature whose angered eyes almost threw fire.

'YOU JUST CAN'T! YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME!'

'Hiei---'

'I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT! GIVE ME MY APARTMENT BACK! GIVE IT OR I SWAER I'LL BEAT YOU UNTIL---'

(chu)

Kurama separated himself a little from the target, who now gazed at him with the most unbelievable pretty eyes. Hiei's startled face was now missing every trace of still boiling anger; covering itself in a thin sheet of boyish glowing naïveté, to which Kurama responded smiling in a princely, charming way.

'There…that suits you better…'

And then, just then, every person miles away could listen. Everyone heard the fading breaking heart, cracking inside of Hiei's wounded chest.

'No…no…no…' said Hiei putting Kurama down 'you…it's your fault…you…you screwed up…not me…you screwed up! YOU! YOU SCREWED UP! YOU SCREWED UP!'

Unable to do anything but that, Kurama's hand softly stroked his beloved's cheek. And dearly, his gentle lips landed on Hiei's, who closed his eyes while his face showed the pain he had carefully hidden, a couple of days ago.

'No…it's your fault…I didn't do anything wrong…you got her pregnant…' he said as the volume of his voice got lower with every word.

'Don't go…'

'Kurama…please…'

'Don't go, don't go. Don't go, Hiei.'

'I…you…you screwed up…'

'Stay…'

Hiei was too tired to escape from the warm and loving hug he was trapped in. He was too tired to deny that all he had wanted for so many days was to lie peacefully against Kurama's smoothly shaped chest. And they fitted so well together like that, that none of them dared to separate even an inch.

Hiei's heart burned with the funny feeling he got everytime Kurama smiled at him. He could feel the little gentle kisses on his head as their bodies fell slowly. Soon Kurama kissed his beloved's hair sitting on the floor and with his arms locked around the melting Hiei. With a feverish face, Jaganshi Hiei felt every inch of Kurama's love embracing him from different angles. Pride was no longer a requirement and his body felt as liberated as his heart felt turning.

'Stay…I need you' said Kurama's broken voice.

'Stay…I want you' said Kurama's broken voice

'Stay…I love you' said Kurama's broken voice

(chu) they kissed

'I'll stay then'


	8. Morbid habit: the fearing

Oh…people, hello! I've missed you so much…I'm aware of my lateness…but I swear I had this chapter all done!! My stupid computer decided to die and now I've lost all my files…hey, my hamster just gave birth! Cool, huh? I just wish someone would've told me she was going to have little shrieking pink bat-like cubs instead of the lovely furry creatures I was expecting, but anyway…you're here for the yaoi, so…please enjoy…

(Oh, and also thank you for the reviews, I liked them so much I've tattooed myself with them).

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If there's something behind the ceaseless tears a young lady drops once she's been alienated by this kind of world; if there's something behind that isolating feeling that melts the moon over and over, one night after another, the painful waiting of an eager heart; if there is something behind the kind of disappointment that only grows in a parent's eyes, if there is something to blame for everything, then it's fairytales. 

Maybe it'll take you to profane the unforgettable golden words of a tormented poet, or perhaps it'll just drag some buried memories back, but one way or another, you'll end up agreeing with this.

After all, it is their fault each time we get our heart broken, somewhere out there a crying piano spits some lame melody and tragedy leaves us bruised and beaten.

It's because of them that our expectations are way too high for the kind of life we deserve; it's not their fault if we fall, but if we think getting up is just a matter of smiling, then they are the only ones found guilty.

And we, as naïve children with no idea of what the real world looks like, listen. We listen to their motherly voice, to their elderly advice and to their tricky and musical words.

What are fairytales if not epic lullabies; the only remaining proofs we can look at, if we decide to believe imagination's escapades ever existed.

Aren't they just like a blossoming ballerina leaping to the beat of a raging violin at the peak of the ballet; aren't they just wonderful (wonderful!) paper doves crossing the afternoon's orange skies? Yes, it is beautiful; remembering those times where we thought flying was just a matter of dreaming; where we thought eventually we were all going to turn into tall and blonde princesses, with long hair and a smashing pink dress that would help us find prince charming. But, oh! What a surprise! When we discovered everlasting evil spells, in fact, last forever; when the first of many princes charming told us he was going after another kind of princess; or when we just simply tried to dive into that orange soup-like afternoon sky, to sadly find out, ugly ducklings like us don't fly high enough.

And after looking at the grotesque crawling thing our crucified heart has turned into, after giving up before the violent and boisterous world, we are finally abandoned in the shadows. Yes, fairytales are those bitter-sweet, mesmerizing, and crystal-like songs our hearts never forget; those midnight lively kisses we remember as mysterious things somewhere between milk and velvet.

And, oh! It is not enough to set our hopes too high, no. As any other of those human ridiculous parodies, they dare- yes they do- to feel betrayed when we fail. After all, their hopes were too high as well. Yes, fairytales are, too, the smiling masters who pull our strings; injecting festering courage to our poisoned mind; screaming when we walk to the diseased world; sobbing until they are locked in some funny-smelling wooden box abandoned in the garage, where only their furious scratches are heard.

But no worries are necessary; fairytales know how to forget. They'll just forget about our existence, and creep to the next generation, where they'll spread their seed to watch them fail, again.

And soon, all left will be memories, which will be too harmful to remember, anyway.

So fairytales can deal with our lack of happy endings…but can we deal with theirs?

'Seriously!...S-Stop!... I-I don't like it-t!' said Hiei as he roared with laugher.

'Then why are you laughing? Man, just say so and I'll stop!'

'I-I…I just told you!...I do-don't have…mygawd…I don't!'

'Really? What if I go straight to your…BELLY!'

With a sudden hand movement, Kurama's demonic smile floated to the surface.

'Ah! W-wait!' said Hiei's high-pitched voice 'Ok! OKAY! Stop! I'll say it! I'll say I have tickling spots! I HAVE TICKLING SPOTS!'

'Good boy'

Both bodies relaxed and Hiei's eyes released the tiny tears that had fought to come out. His struggling face soon began to get rid of the sparkling red that covered it and a smile or two made their way out of his gasping mouth.

'See? It would be better if you stopped being so proud…'

He turned himself to find the same beautiful man he was embracing just minutes ago.

'Okay…you didn't just say that…'

'Oh, come on! I may be proud but you're in another league…'

'Shut up!' he threw himself onto Kurama's naked chest. Bathed with total nudity their bodies were soon engaged in a playful struggle until one predator prevailed among another.

'What are you going to do if I don't, little cub? Can you play with the grown-ups?'

'Shut up!' said Hiei fighting the undeniable laughters that danced noisily in his throat.

And as the sunset sank, dragging most of the light in the room with it, between winks and bites, a kiss or two blossomed under the intensity of a dead serious staring contest.

Like a sleepy flame, the laughter was soon turned off and replaced by the smashing fire of lust and love.

Just like in fairytales, sometimes an evil spell can bring happiness once it's broken. When a suffocating grudge held over something disappears, it can reveal the beautiful things the have grown beneath. Light will only come to show the wonderful things that grew surrounded by darkness. And once the childish and unreasonable rejection we feel over a thing vanishes, our released fears will fly far away, to leave just freedom for our relieved heart. If pressure is applied to a severe injury, it won't bleed until the pressure stops. When this happens, blood will run freely and overfilled with a ridiculous rush.

To get more specific, a relationship that has been censured (say, by one of the members) for a long time, blossoms in unimaginable majestic ways, as wild fireworks skating through the skies, pushed by every pair of lips unleashing secret wishes underneath the night.

And under a thin blanket of a guitar-like sweetness, two bodies gasped amazed by each other. Is it the heat generated by flesh what blinds us before the existence of the rest of the world, or do we make a conscious choice of avoiding any thought that may bring that up?

Hiei moaned as he felt Kurama working his neck. At the beginning it surprised him, how happy Kurama was. Apparently now they were an official couple, and although after the last fight it didn't bothered him as much as he had though it would, the weirdness never disappeared. Now they ate together, they slept together, they bathed together; sometimes it felt like too much but it only took one of Kurama's special smiles for Hiei to forget about that.

Botan's pregnancy was a difficult subject to discuss. Kurama usually got depressed if the issue was mentioned, and Hiei really hated having to cheer him up.

'Koenma doesn't have to know, right?' usually said Kurama.

'Right, I'm sure he won't notice when the doctor hands him a redhead baby with fox-like ears on his head' was the usual response.

Going to bed was also difficult. Usually Hiei intended to fall asleep as fast as his head touched a pillow, but then that annoying puppy eyes would appear, making him burn with anger. "YES I KNOW! YOU HAVE NEEDS TOO!" he would yell as Kurama barked happily taking his clothes off.

He had issues with Kurama's behavior too. It didn't matter if it was noon or two o' clock in the morning, a lively "WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS LOOKING AT ME LIKE YOU WANNA EAT ME??!" was heard very often.

And of course, in his own words: "And what's with that kinky serious mood you get whenever your laptop is opened? You're really weird Kurama! Honestly, sometimes you freak me out!"

Yes, time had taught Hiei how hard it was to deal with a writer's habits. But it was all worth it each morning, where the first thing seen when he opened his eyes, was the most beautiful face in the whole world.

Kurama stayed beautiful not only during mornings. Hiei couldn't help it if sometimes he burned with desire. Because deep inside, he knew, as well as did Kurama, that he loved every little detail about the redhead. He loved the warm sensation of his lover's embrace on a cold morning and the cool breeze of his breath on those heating nights; he loved Kurama's 'I'm dying, can't you see?' glare when he worked out in the gym and how he tried to hide the constant drooling; and above all, he loved the little cute wrinkle that appeared between his eyebrows when he started writing.

'Hey…don't bite!…not that hard…'

He loved the stupid songs Kurama usually sang, and the sound of the air guitar he played every time Keiko called with good news.

'Kurama! What did I just said?!'

He loved the fact that Kurama was almost always right, and the way he usually showed it off; the retarded soap opera DVDs he hid on the third drawer of the night table at the right side of his bed; the offensively obvious passwords he had on his e-mail, computer and credit card; and of course the ridiculous and expensive comb that rested under his pillow, waiting to be used extensively every night at nine o' clock.

'Ok! You know what? Back off! I don't—w—anymore!—st-p!'

'Come on, you know you like it…'

'No! You just won't listen! Every time I get undressed I have to see all these horrible bruises and marks and hickies! Well no more! I refuse to lie here as you—he—aww—now, stop! Seriousl—aww—'

'See? you like it…besides…' said Kurama as his mouth skated through Hiei's shaking neck 'you like those bruises…and marks…' he sucked over a wet spot shortly 'and hickies…you like being mine…so don't waste your time saying such horrible things…if you're a bad boy you might not get what you want…' he said.

'You're such an assh—' in shortly he was under Kurama's dominant body, under the most forbidden spell: lust. His hands moved slowly through the dark, over the sweat and carefully drawing dangerous patterns on his lover's skin. With a little pressure on the right spots, Hiei would moan with deep pain or supreme pleasure, always closing his eyes and turning red, and pulling Kurama closer so he wouldn't ever lose him. His mouth opened and closed slowly, groaning, then panting, soon screaming and calling Kurama's name to which he answered with little powdered kisses that soon grew into wild rough battles.

And only in those moments, covered by the suffocating curtain of intimacy and dipped into the feverish power of love, they could say whatever they wanted to said, they could do whatever they wanted to do, they could feel whatever they wanted to feel and they could be whatever they wanted to be.

Love seems to change us in mysterious ways; whether it is unfolding our raccoon tanned hearts so that we can be proud of any pale spots, or just encouraging us to dive into the deep blue ocean although we don't have any remote idea of what swimming is.

It was a windy morning when Hiei began to understand the problem. He was planning on working out all day and going to bed early, but as usual, Kurama's often interruptions were very well expected and even welcomed.

After stealing a yogurt cup from the kitchen, and in his way to the gym, he saw something rather disturbing. Seated on the little antique chair he used to sit on when writing, was the weirdest vision ever imagined. A drowsy Kurama, struggling to keep his eyes opened, gave very few signs of being completely awake and balanced on the chair. Compared to the steady and stoic monarch bathed in majesty and strength that raped the keyboard every afternoon with a voracious speed; this bending harlequin, controlled by the venomous chords of the sleepless death not only faded horribly, but left a vague sense of pity on Hiei's throat.

As Kurama's mouth opened wide (awaking forbidden memories that shook a very loud blush out of Hiei) and unleashed which seemed an everlasting yawn, the laptop's screen closed almost tiptoeing and the exhausted puppet went upstairs.

It his mind, Kurama's figure was surrounded by so much perfection, it was hard to picture the short moment of weakness. Still, he couldn't stop himself when his feet followed up and soon he was upstairs too.

It wasn't desire, or curiosity what had led him there, behind a closed door, waiting to be sure of Kurama's sleep. It wasn't surprise or shock, what had opened his mouth as he watched his fading prince beaten by the human limitations. And it was not, certainly, any experienced feeling what pulled him inside the bedroom a few minutes later. Maybe it was just a really good lightening, or the incredible mood changes that yogurt often gives, but resting softly on a heart shaped pillow, an angel's face glared brilliantly and Hiei couldn't stop himself when, on his knees, he touched amazed the living proof of any remaining innocence.

Something that would bring a lot of trouble to many persons began to grow. It had been there for a long time and it was time for it to show its power. And afraid he would ruin such wonder; he held on to those unbearable chains and stopped what could've been the sweetest kiss of all.

But that morning, pushed by the insane forces that called him from inside, a rusty sketchbook was profaned and shaking all the dust off, his hand moved with such speed and accuracy even he would've gotten dizzy if it weren't for the overflowing focus that made the air denser.

Every line, every curve, every single sketch he drew that morning, was a ferocious provocation to break those chains that kept him from jumping on Kurama. And lost in his own madness, like most geniuses will ever be, he ignored many essential things only represented in the wildest world hidden on his works but which his heart feared to reveal to itself. Many of those sketches told beautiful stories Hiei whispered on the darkest nights; stories of love and sweetness, and the charming laugher of an enchanting redhead with the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. Many of those same sketches where prisons of the loneliness hidden in the absence of many moments he yearned to bring to reality; pieces of broken fairytales tattooed on his body which burned with pain constantly. If he hadn't been so mesmerized by the replicated perfection lying on the paper sheets, he would've eventually realized how many thing he wanted to whisper on his beloved's ears before he woke up.

He bit his lip, scared of the overloading beauty, the sublime flavor of all that exquisiteness. If it weren't for that thing growing on his inside, the one that had pushed him inside the bedroom, he wouldn't have realized how many classical sonatas were hidden on Kurama's face, or how many heartbreaking stories was his heart willing to tell. And between the tragic flow of self-confessions as the acoustic guitar of his heart spread romantic melancholy, before it could grown wider and powerful, Hiei noticed something very annoying. He tried to push it back to the non-existence of his entrails and failed, blushed by embarrassment. It was the beginning of what was fated to be the biggest, hardest and most unbearable problem of his life.

Several hours after, a stretching redhead entered the peaceful kitchen, searching for anything that would calm his appetite. Hiei was once again caught in the mesmerizing wonders of the world within a yogurt cup, and letting your guard down is something very dangerous when you're living with a professional predator.

'God! How many hours did I sleep?'

'Just a few. You looked really tired, though'

Kurama started approaching slowly as his face erased the remaining traces of the innocence that had awaked something very dark inside Hiei.

'I was. You're not exactly easy to handle…'

'Oh, yeah? Don't play with fire if you cannot—'

He had to abandon his precious yogurt cup on the corner of the table so that his arms could reach the place where they belonged. He had tried to strangle the feeling since its birth but it survived; he tried to lock it up in the last forgotten rooms of his heart but it went free; he had tried to ignore it from the very first moment he sensed it but Kurama's gorgeous face and the sketchbook and the lame ass pencil screamed it, inspired by the slipping deep red that grew on his cheeks. The back of Kurama's neck was soft and tall, and hanging from there, caught up in the wild emotion of passion, was Hiei, totally and madly and terribly in love.

But as in many fairytales, happy endings go through a lot before making their royal entrance. The sound of a noisy doorbell interrupted Kurama's curious hands and Hiei's pitchy gasps, and squeezed them so hard; assassin looks developed noisily and carelessly.

Almost tore by Hiei's growing wrath, the principal door opened wide just to reveal the enchanted visit of a magical and beautiful princess, which translated to our 'fairytaleless' world means—

'Yuri?' was Kurama's automatic response to her assaulting hug.

'Sure…the….chick…from…the other day….?'

'Oh Shuuichi! I missed you so bad!'

"**OK…not an average thing to say to guy that's not been calling you…"** Hiei thought

'Did you…go somewhere?' asked the nervous Kurama as the three of them made their way to the lobby.

'One fantastic word! VACATIONS! I've been in England all these time!'

'Huh…I guess you haven't had time to check your messages…' said Hiei

'Actually my machine broke. And I'm sure you left me amazingly romantic messages but don't worry, Shuuichi, we'll make up all this time'. She sat next to Kurama on the large brown coach and not much time had passed before she started cuddling.

'Poor Shu-chan! You've been worried about me not calling right?' she laughed as Hiei stabbed her in his mind 'Everything was so sudden, I didn't even have time to call you! I'm such an idiot!'

Hiei, holding a cup of yogurt and sitting in front of them, smiled entertained by the look on his lover's face.

If she had come before, maybe the previous afternoon or morning, Hiei would've drowned in the rotting pool of his own jealousy worms. But as devoted witnesses, a hidden sketchbook and pencil, and several sketches drawn that morning silenced the sizzling anger growing inside.

'Oh my! I'm so sorry! I'm being rude! What's your name?' she said, grinning falsely at Hiei. He enjoyed his yogurt slowly and peacefully, and didn't even care to look at her while saying sharply:

'We've already met'

She nodded doubtful. An awkward silence unfolded until it was abruptly interrupted by the hollow metallic sound made by Yuri's confusion.

'Yeah...yeah! I remember you! That's right! You were the…uhmm…is he your cousin?'

It was like opening a champagne bottle. The cork snapped making a deaf and sudden sound and the unprepared were deers caught in the headlights.

Kurama, horrified, watched as Hiei's right eye popped a little. He spilled some drips of yogurt on his lap but didn't notice since his whole attention was held by the cheery girl who couldn't watch her mouth.

**Hiei drank his yogurt. It tasted fruity.**

'Actually, I'm his lover'

'Say what?' she grinned.

'His lover'

That was the first time Kurama's smile didn't shine with radiant confidence. It was the kind of smile that acts as a lame and ineffective protection system, allowing the body a few more seconds to show how the panic takes control.

'Oh, you wouldn't believe what is heard from here' she said, combing her hair with her beautiful hands. She was a pretty girl, indeed 'Could you talk a little louder'.

Hiei finished his yogurt in one last shot. Even thought he showed the nicest smile, his mouth opened only for throwing bullet-shaped words that slipped in the arrogance of the air he exhaled.

'Nah, I think you got me right...'

As her portrait smile disappeared, Hiei's grew stronger. When she turned to Kurama he was already praying for mercy. She must have been expecting another kind of expression in his face; her reaction was not the happiest.

Outside the birds flew around, happily celebrating they were not trapped in this convulsing hellhole.

'OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY—YOU BASTARD!' she slapped Kurama not once, but twice, then hit him with her shiny purse. He didn't really defend himself, but he sure did look scared.

'AND I WAS JUST THIS CLOSE! YOU ASSHOLE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!'

Hiei, on the other hand, was regretting of finishing his yogurt so soon.

'GOD! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! SINCE WHEN—?'

'Listen; don't get so angry, I can—'

'From the beginning and every single night since then' said Hiei, getting comfortable in his little sofa and cutting every one of Kurama's chances of getting away.

'YOU ASSHOLE! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR!' and with every "liar!" it came a very nice piece of shiny purse for the hiding Kurama.

'You know, when you knocked we were kinda busy, if you know what I mean…'

She kicked, and hit, and threw things that got heavier with each of Hiei's contributions.

Kurama, who was now in a dark corner with his arms over his head, pleaded for help louder and louder, but Hiei couldn't (or didn't want to) hear anything but Yuri's shouting.

After promising her revenge, she left the tore up house and never looked back. When a few minutes had passed, Hiei threw an ice bag to Kurama, who looked like a scared mouse.

'Oh, stop it already' he said 'scratches like those don't hurt that bad'

Between broken and expensive lamps, shattered glass statues and beautiful pieces of what had been until then amazing paintings, the brown couch stood proud.

On it, a moaning Kurama closed his eyes and received very negligent medical attention.

'You know, it's not my fault…she was the one who said you were my cou—'

He was silenced by Hiei's scary face and remained quiet.

'Anyway…I should be furious after how cozy you two were getting…' he said while dipping the cotton in alcohol.

'Am I sensing someone jealous?' Kurama smiled in a cocky way. Hiei was used to it.

'I'm sorry but according to your words, I'm your….your bo…'

'My boyfriend'

'And that gives me the damn right to feel weird if you're getting a little too comfortable with that kind of sluts…'

Kurama laughed shortly and kissed his "boyfriend" on the forehead.

'You are jealous. That is so cute…'

'…why did you go out with her? She's nuts…'

'She sure is. Did you looked at her face? It was pure evil, man...'

They laughed harder as Hiei made goofy impressions of her. "LIAR! LIAR! LIAR!"

With his beautiful and bruised face surrounded by carelessly located band aids, he still looked drop dead gorgeous, and the voracity inside of Hiei started growing again.

But there it was; the strange creature that chewed lust and spitted something really disgusting. It made him nervous and anxious, and dyed his skin of a pale pink. He tried to escape from its long claws.

'Seriously…why did you go out with her?'

Kurama seemed embarrassed by the question but his cocky smile gave him away.

'Man' he said 'did you see her ass?'

Hiei looked startled and really weird.

'Huh…' was his unfinished answer 'I thought you were a breast guy…'

'I am' he looked inspired 'but still…did you see her ass?'

They went on for half an hour and laughed each ten seconds. Hiei had always thought talking to Kurama about that kind of thing would be unbearably awkward but it wasn't. He had a lot of fun and in fact, wished for the conversation to last a little longer than what it did. But again, happy endings are not something everyone can afford.

'sounds great! I'd do her' he said, of course not serious. But his laughers were left alone, and when he checked all he saw was a very surprised Kurama.

'Oh…sorry…it's just that…well, it's kinda hard to picture you with a …you know…a woman…'

And truth to be told, they would've had a very happy ending if Hiei hadn't analyzed that sentence.

'Wait…why is it so hard to picture me with a woman?'

'Well, not in a bad way, of course. You're so cute I bet they would throw themselves to you right away but…I don't know…'

'What? Are you the only one allowed to carry tons of sexual history?'

'No, of course not! That's not what I meant!...and I do not carry tons of sexual history…'

'Come on stud!' said Hiei, laughing 'I bet if we bring all of them to this room they wouldn't fit!'

'Well…yes, maybe I have been a little…'

'Promiscuous?'

'Ok…ok…' they tried to calm down so their laughter didn't interrupt what they said 'now you're just being mean…besides, you're just jealous because I'm the only one on YOUR sexual history'.

'Well, you know…if you count Youko, then there's two…'

Almost crying of laughter, Kurama threw himself on to Hiei, tickling and playing like a cheerful fox, crazed by excitement.

'That's not fair!' he said as Hiei died of tickles.

'And…reall—y…AH!...then…th—there's…THREE!...cuz—z—the—re's alsss—oo—'

**Kurama stopped.**

His face went immediately pale and his expression froze.

He looked so hurt, that before Hiei realized what was going on he actually worried. But he noticed, it wasn't the kind of injury that a courageous knight gets while defeating a fierce dragon, it wasn't the kind of wound he could protect Kurama from. This wound was deeper, older, and way more painful than what it looked like. He hadn't only opened a crucial scar; he had hurt Kurama in his heart: in his pride.

His eyebrows fell with the pressure of bitterness, and the dangerous little wrinkle on his nose appeared. His beautiful green eyes, which had sparkled with joy and mischief, were now covered by the rotting layer of rage; and his voluptuous and sensual lips, which usually curled to form a perfect rose, were whipped and carved by the hissing voice of pain.

And there was Hiei, watching how his lover's delighting and perfectly shaped face turned with a grave and solemn pattern, showing the somber shadows of one of the most painful visions in the world: the fallen pride of a hurt man.

Dying inside, fighting to survive in the tempestuous ocean of confusion and dread, and waiting scared for ten minutes that felt like years, was Hiei, sitting on the very same couch, in the very same room, but sitting a hundred miles afar.

And framed by the hounding uncertainty, they remained in the most broken silence until it was stopped by the appearance of the most broken words.

'I'm really sorry…I thought that—'

'Shut up…just….shut up'

And then the unbelievable happened. For a moment, and just for that moment, Hiei forgot about all the other emotions the redhead provoked in him; the lust, the anger, the joy, the pain, the sadness, the jealousy, the still growing love…and then, compassion was left. Compassion for a man that bathed himself in pride, in gold, in power and beauty, the perfect wax figure, just to hide the scratches and wounds that ate him from within everyday, just to hide the weakness that slowly outgrew his skin and struggled to get out of the burning piece of misery that he thought of as body.

He understood, perfectly and neatly; Kurama could make everybody easily believe he was perfect just because he didn't believe it himself; but about humankind's secrets, we'll talk another day, because now it is fairytale time again.

They return as promised and more powerful each time, with their fantasy army and their sparkles and their unicorns; fairytales usually make a strong comeback. They show us their fancy and tidy happy endings just for us to feel bad about choosing the real life road. But hey, we are fine; we are fine. We are perfectly fine with our messy and disappointing lives, we are fine with the kind of reality in which it rains every day, and we are surely fine with our broken hearts, who by the end of the week can barely stand by themselves, and have to support themselves on crotches made of the woody and dry material our lungs have turned into for smoking so much. So we smile, we smile and wave and say we're fine. Hiei was fine too. He closed his eyes and said to himself "I'm fine. We're fine". But of course, Hiei had no idea how 'fine' things were going to turn on the next hours.

The doorbell rang, eager and repeatedly, and it had rang dozens of times when Kurama finally stood up.

He felt something holding him back, and turned around to see the definitive meaning of blushing, written all across Hiei's face. Hiei was there, standing with his shaky arms around Kurama's waist, secretly wishing to never let go and holding many things inside so that they wouldn't fall and break.

'**Don't go'**

'The doorbell is ringing'

'Don't go'

'The doorbell is—'

'I know it is. But still…don't go'

They stood still until the doorbell stopped and silence embraced them as its own children.

'Look…just…I'm sorry…I'm overreacting, I know…but…it hurts…so…could we just don't talk about this for now?' said Kurama, playing childishly with Hiei's hands, but with a seaweed look on his eyes.

'Sure. Whatever. Just…stay here…don't be mad…I didn't realize and now…I'm really sorry…but don't be mad'

It is often told that when hearts are hurt, they grow a wall. Its purpose, according to most people, is to keep things from going in. But in occasions like this, in rare occasions like this, we sigh softly as the truth is discovered. It was the thing that slept peacefully inside Kurama's books, and what Hiei was about to discover, that when hearts are severely injured, they grow a wall just to hide behind it.

It is unknown what they wait for inside, what they hide from or what they go through. The answer is different for everybody, really. Some hearts hide from themselves. Some hide from the world; maybe from whatever it was that hurt them, which might be still waiting on the other side with a pointy bloody knife. After all, hiding is a bad habit that we all carry around. But, with 8 chapters backing me up, I fearlessly state that 'bad habits' is not what I'm writing about. They are not what kick ass writers deal with, anyway. Kurama's heart's cover was just to hide the horrible and enormous stain of weakness and fragility on it.

Kurama sighed and gave up a smile.

'Fine. How about…some yogurt, then?'

Hiei smiled too. For a second he forgot about what he was supposed to act like, and hugged Kurama's back firmly. He rubbed his face against his lover's neck and enjoyed the fragrance of his silky hair, and everything was fine forever.

* * *

Nine out of ten people will tell you the word 'forever' puts an end to a fairytale. There will always be one, though, with some morbid habits growing inside. 

In the kitchen, with sweet little kisses between every two or three steps, Kurama and Hiei walked to the humming refrigerator. They looked submersed in a recently created atmosphere, where the air was merely composed by honey and love, and powered by an imaginary Frank Sinatra song. They danced to the beat of their hearts and with each second the little game they played with their hands got more serious. It all started with a little cup of yogurt, but according to Kurama's instinctive thoughts, a well used spoon could radically change things.

And wrapped in the cloying spider web of intimacy, they constantly crossed the line between playing as childish cubs and professing as passionate poets. They mocked all missing happy endings and profaned the unbroken fairytale rules; they undressed Cinderella at her ball and woke up sleeping beauty before the grand kiss; they left Alicia locked in wonderland and buried Snow white before any charming prince arrived; they carved a path in the underground forest so that wolf and little red riding hood could secretly meet and read poems together; and what was left in the Minamino mansion's kitchen, on the solid wooden table and crazed by the rushing wind of passional urgency, tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, beauty and the beast.

So they had the guts to steal a golden happy ending from the sacred chamber hidden in the underground magic city beneath Disneyworld.

But fairytales always wait. They wait until we realize it's a lost battle. They wait until we return with our tails between our legs and tired of fighting an invincible force.

And then, just then, the doorbell rang.

After struggling with Hiei to let him go (notwithstanding it was harder to struggle with himself to let go of him) Kurama shipped off to a dangerous and courageous trip to the door. His main purpose was closing the door as fast as he was planning on opening it, and returning to the kitchen to take what was his. And it must've been because he was already lost in hardcore erotic fantasies while walking, that he didn't notice the pestilent fragrance of danger. Fairytales were ready for their revenge, and it was certainly weird that after writing so much about life and love, a writer as he was could ignore that when they strike back, they strike back hard.

A drunk firefly fooled around the living room window while Hiei drank his consolation yogurt. It calmed his exhausting blush and relaxed him. The eagerness in his heart bounced crazily and without fear of breaking something.

Suddenly something really strange happened, and he felt his heart leaping. His body became absolutely alert without an actual reason but he could feel it, he could feel the danger close. His body was instantly filled with a sensation he thought was lost, and soon it was hard to drive it around. It was, now, an unnecessary extension of him. Clumsiness climbed through his spine, voraciously chewing and scratching everything, and when it got to his brain a smashing feeling in his stomach exploded and moved as the furious sea. But when fear calls, without hesitation, we go, so he managed to carry both, his yogurt and his body, to the lobby, where Kurama opened the door to danger.

'Boy, it better be good cuz I was just in the middle of—' he began to say as he opened the door.

He stopped, absolutely paralyzed by the hidden fear in his heart. It was his worst fear coming at the worst moment, at the worst place, and all he could think of was Hiei, eating his yogurt innocently in the kitchen.

'Hello Kurama. It's been a while' the person said. Evocating his interred memories of suffocating pain and interminable tears, Kurama stopped in time and his reality crumbled. He erased any visible trace of the last days, of the future and anything before his first kiss with Hiei, and didn't like what were left; just blurry and blue memories of a sad story about a love triangle (and sometimes, as Hiei said, love square counting Youko). This person was the one constantly appearing in his mind on cold scary nights, the one torturing him from inside and often telling him what he couldn't reach. This person was the star of his worst nightmares and the founder of the jealousy pollution wave on his raging eyes. This terrible, terrible person, that he hated with such dedication and passion and feared at the same time; this person who looked sweet and peaceful but carried falcon wings on her back and animalistic, fulminating fierce eyes, from which only one was visible.

Kurama battled intensely and somehow managed to stay in his position instead of throwing himself to her, stabbing her in her vampire-cold heart and screaming all the verbal-violent names he had wanted to call her all along. But from his mouth these shrieking words came clean and inked with all the hate and despite he had storaged for her.

'What are you doing here?'

She smiled in the same cocky way he used to, but stronger.

'I've come to take what belongs to me'

Hiei entered to the silent lobby, holding a yogurt cup and a little spoon. His face had pink yogurt on it and his eyes opened wide until they looked like round dishes.

'Mukuro?'


End file.
